Superhero Movie, or not

So the plan was to go to Superhero Movie tonight. I know it's going to be a bad, mass-produced comedy full of cheap laughs and physical humor. I saw the hero throw the old lady out of the path of a bus and into a chipper-shredder. But I've seen one of the more recent Scary Movie flicks on TV and it was entertaining in a cheap laughs and slapstick way. I also just wanted to see a movie. Maybe it would make for a review.

Yeah, that was going to happen. I was going to go to the first evening show, by which time it should be dark and my pasty skin would thus not burst into horrific flames. I would not have to scream and pinwheel my arms as I staggered, flames trailing behind, over to the point where the camera could cut away for a second and then a dummy wearing the same clothes could be knocked into the river. I can take a little pain, but I don't think I have two of the exact same outfit so I would have to set myself on fire in the clothes that go into the river, then strip naked in front of everybody, dress the dummy in the still-burning clothes, and then shove it into the river and go home naked. Maybe I'm just lazy, but that seems like a lot of hassle.

That was the plan until I got on my email and saw that my City of Heroes friends had a planned event and their guy with radiation powers had to back out at the last minute. Others could substitute, but it would have meant that the group was still missing a key component. Plus I'm a sucker. No problem. I'll go to the early showing and be home by 7:30 for the event.

I went on the internet and the internet told me that Superhero Movie is showing at 5:00 and has a running time of about 85 minutes. Once you lop off the commercials at the beginning and embedded in the movie as product placement, we'll be left with Leslie Nielsen and an interchangeable teenage boy in spandex having a five minute conversation about gladiator movies. The scheduling works out.

It's spring now, almost kind of if it wasn't where I actually live. I live by Lake Huron. The warmer seasons all drop back about a month and a half or two months. It can be pretty cold here through June because the prevailing winds come off the still-cold lake. We start to get spring in April and May before they shift, then they do and it's all cold again. When I was little it snowed in late June. Fall trails on and it can be pretty warm during the day up through the middle of October, even into November in a good year, but the nights cool off very fast. Evenings are chilly in mid-August most of the time.

So late March in town usually means it's very bright outside and not quite as cold as February. I haven't braved full daylight in quite a while and I know if I put off seeing the movie I'll probably forget all about it until it's gone. Films do not last long in the two local theaters with their one owner. I've missed some because they were only in town for a single weekend. I got all my layers together, got my Unabomber look going on, and hopped in the car.

I passed a police car headed the other direction and the cop gave me a funny look, but it's bright out. I'm allowed to wear shades in this level of illumination. Drove to the theater with no parking lot except the public lot down by the river half a block away and got out of the car sweating like crazy, ten minutes in advance of the showtime. I walked across the two busy streets, one with a bad blind corner that I try to avoid, and came up on the theater. There's my film's poster, with a guy that's supposed to look like Hugh Jackman in the one corner. Above it are the showtimes: 4:25, 7:00, 9:30.

Thanks, internet. I glanced ahead and saw on the door that they opened at 3:45, which sounds about right for a showing at 4:25. Yeah, it's not a mistake. So much for that plan. Maybe tomorrow. It can't be Sunday evening. I have an event I signed up for in the first place to attend.