It's This One. The one with the ghosts on the sunken ship. The point at which the show completely gives up one of its major conventions. You could sort of look past the psychics in Treasures of the Mind since their powers were handled vaguely. They just "felt" things like TV psychics claim to do while playing twenty questions. That's not too big a deviation from reality. Next season, the new doctor will find a hair piece that turns her into Jean Grey, but at this point the show had been trying to maintain scientific plausibility. Here's where it goes straight to hell for a generic ghost story.
You know, I can see the problem for the writers. The ship can't plausibly go to a planet of the week and meet the new set of metaphor-driven crinkly foreheads. Without that, what do you have? This was probably written in late '92. At the time, doing a story arc on weekly TV was very uncommon unless it involved rich women clawing each other in the pool. If they'd gone that way, the show probably could have managed with the more mundane arrangement. You don't have to invent wonder particles or the planet next door to justify having something happen. But it would have demanded they think out their world a lot more too. My dim memories of season three (which I don't think I'm buying unless it's really cheap) suggest that they finally woke up to that too late.
Ok. I guess it's time to turn the thing on. Come, let us mock together.
Originally Aired: October 31, 1993
Cheesy generic black photo album. Bridger is looking at shots of his wife and his dolphin. He takes one of his wife out and talks to it before shoving it into the scanner like Lucas suggested six or seven episodes ago. He's telling the image of his wife "a love story". He's trying to explain it in terms of temporary insanity.
Flashback. He's in bed the night previous. Bridger has a big wooden bookcase in his room. He's reading a book and the mist curtain comes on. The professor is giving him directions. Bridger gets up to take a look. He plays with the controls. No response. The directions keep repeating.
He phones Lucas. Lucas is sleeping in a seaQuest t-shirt.
"Lucas, the hologram is babbling."
"So?"
Lucas says he didn't do anything. Bridger wants him to come over and look at it in the middle of the night. While he waits for Lucas he pages through what looks like it's supposed to be a ship's- nope, charts. A ghostly hand reaches out, touches him, and a woman's voice asks Bridger to help them.
He says what and Lucas, in a rainbow-striped bathrobe, asks what. He looks at the controls. Bridger had the repeat key locked. They have the usual conversation where Lucas asks if he's ok. Bridger is fine. He turned off the mist curtain, but now it's back on and showing a woman asking for helm. A man's translucent face rises up and tells Bridger to get away. It shoots out of the mist and knocks him across the room.
When Lucas came into the room he was hitching his robe closed. Did he have it dangling open the whole way over? If he wanted to be covered (and in a t-shirt why does he need to be covered?) wouldn't he have seen to that before he left home? Did he forget to put on underwear? Honestly, if the kid sleeps in a t-shirt, he's probably covered all the important stuff too.
Credits. Extended credits with thunder and lightning. Wisconsin had a cheese shortage in '93. IT was all here.
Bridger is telling Westphalen about how he woke up strangely invigorated. She's dabbing at his back. She tells him that he fell out of bed. He was not hurled by a ghost. Bridger wants a meeting with some scientist who does hypnotic regression. It's the scientist from last episode. He's asking about the vision.
Ford wants to know where they're going and why. This is his only scene all episode.
The scientist, Levine, is Freuding about the vision. Bridger says he wasn't dreaming. O'Neil is getting music, which Bridger wants to hear. Generic spooky music ensues. It wasn't Bridger's wife. Ortiz is getting an echo on sonar. It's a ship! The CGI shows a choppy outline of a ship. That's good bad CGI for once. I can buy a sonar display putting out something like that. Then they get visusals and Bridger wants to send the probe in. This gives Hitchcock something to do, but her breasts aren't out so I think the writers got confused. CGI of a WHSKR running around a CGI shipwreck even though Hitchcock uses those controls pictured to use the hyper-reality probe.
Ward room. Crocker is explaining the story of the Titanic, er, George, about how the ship slowly sank and only two people died. Bridger is complaining that a life boat would not have made it six hundred miles in two days and there was this woman. Krieg (he's senior staff? Lucas I can sort of buy as a special dispensation, but the morale officer?).
They put up a newsreel. It's the woman from Bridger's vision and she's the owner's wife. Another guy in the newsreel looks directly at the cast for a second. As they break up, the paused video has the bad guy turn and look at Bridger and Westphalen again.
Hallway. They just got out of the maglev. Lucas is wearing his baseball jersey, white, over a gray t-shirt. Jeans. Why is he with them?
Bridge. Hitchcock is expositioning about how the stacks are covered and sealed so some stuff inside might have air in it. There's also a light on inside. Crocker spits and declares the ship haunted. Crusty, superstitious sailors are never wrong on TV. Westphalen asks what was said by the ghost and Bridger conveys the "help us" line. Lucas gets a reaction shot.
Lucas's room. He's in the dark with a flashlight under his face goofing off. Doctor Levine wants him to come along to the shipwreck, which isn't at all endangering a minor. Lucas is game. Levine gravely tells him that they're entering a world where logic and science do not apply and all we have to depend on is myths and superstition? How did this guy get his PhD? What is it in? He was a geneticist or an epidemiologist last episode. Did Levine send away for his doctorate to a place advertised during an episode of Unsolved Mysteries?
I paused right here to type that all up because I'm sure the next dialog is even worse. Right now Lucas is frozen with his mouth half-open and looking terrified. The collar on his shirt is very wide. Until now his clothing has usually fit. Wouldn't this run afoul of some navy regulation? I guess myths and superstitions are all we have to decide with.
Lucas was apparently not stunned and instead amused. He proclaims this very cool. I'm guessing this is on the level of a carnival ride for him, so I can buy it. Lucas doesn't so far come across as gullible enough to buy that spiel normally. Bridger explains that Lucas is coming along as a bodyguard. Because he has a whole boat of heavily-armed soldiers trained for combat, so an untrained blonde teenaged boy with an IQ in the stratosphere is the logical protector for them all.
Levine explains that in many legends (Is his doctorate in folklore?) that children are immune to the effects of the paranormal. Apparently because they're the most likely to believe in it without help. Lucas protests that he is not a child. Bridger smirks. "We know you're not a child, but you're the closest thing we have to one."
Lucas: "You two really believe this boat is haunted?" He's dubious and I think wondering about the advisability of letting a man like Bridger have control of nuclear weapons. By the way, in the real world field commanders usually have to get the ok from a head of state and a secretary of defense to launch.
Bridger: "Yes...I don't know what that means, but we feel we have to pursue it." He talks about how this is what science is all about and...ok. Sort of. I don't think many real scientists would waste a lot of time on Crocker's sea tales, except for the one about this brothel in Panama that he can neither confirm nor deny.
Tiny minisub with no changing room. No one has changed clothes, but Lucas is wearing a jean jacket over his jersey. They dock with the wreck, seal, and open up. At this point, Westphalen remembers that oxygen under pressure for a century might be dangerous. They could get the bends. She has badges to let them know if the air goes bad. Oh, they had to cut through a lock.
Levine tells them to keep imaging the white light of their aura all around them. What if they don't have white auras? Bridger confirms the air is safe. Crocker demands he spit before he goes in. So do the other sailors. Lucas's jacket is his seaQuest denim shirt which was normal clothing, not outerwear, a few episodes ago.
Hitchcock wants Bridger to see the generator. Turns out it's been rigged to provide power. They also have membranes set up to extract oxygen. As Westphalen talks about this the machines come to life and she freaks out when she sees a skeleton. Turns out it's a guy that shot himself through the head. Crocker says suicide on a ship is really dangerous. Bridger offers to let him wait on the launch.
Levine explains that spirits hang around to finish past business. Hitchcock gets sent off to a lower deck so they don't have to pay her for the rest of the week.
Stateroom on the wreck. Westphalen isn't feeling well.
Lower decks, Hitchcock foils their plans by showing up again in the episode. She finds a flooded cabin with a skull floating in it. The porthole has been sealed with candle wax. Two bodies, maybe part of the band. So far they're up to four people who were not on the ship's manifest.
A door opens beside Lucas after Crocker checks it and finds it closed. White fabric is pulled just out of sight from the door. Westphalen is yanked in and there's a ghost in a white dress. They try to open the door, but the handle was on fire. Now it's not and it's cold for Bridger.
Inside. Westphalen approaches the ghost and it vanishes. Male ghost claims she is meddling with forces she can't comprehend. Male ghost expositions about how they need to go. It knocks Westphalen over and she finds a diary or something. He explains that this is his personal hell and is about to hit her when he sees the diary open. Cheesy FX of lightning play over the ghost's body. He reads in the diary "I hate him!" and starts howling in despair. Everyone hears and then the door is blown open.
They help Westphalen up and she's calling it "her" diary now. Crocker is spreading salt. Lucas wants to know why, and it's to keep the devils away. They spit for good luck.
Westphalen is speaking of the ghost in the first person and crying. Lucas is paging through the diary. He notices that the diary entry for hating the ghost is a year and a half after the ship sank. Lucas has a baseball cap on backwards. Bridger somehow knows that the diary is for the woman he saw. He reads about how the author met a man that caused her to swoon by appearing.
Levine is the only one to catch on that Westphalen is possessed still and tells Bridger. He's supposed to be a scientist and he didn't notice before?
Hitchcock phones that the engine room is a wreck and seems deliberately flooded. Bridger wants to go down, but asks Lucas to stay close to Westphalen. She comes out in the ghost's dress and asking to be zipped up. She hears music. Crocker doesn't want Bridger off on his own, probably because he needs a hug. Bridger goes anyway.
Hallway. Lights go off and the male ghost tells him to get away. Bridger blows him off. New hallway is lit green and has fog in it like an 80s music video. Manghost wails and howls and comes forward out of the mist. It demands Bridger get off its ship. Bridger stands and says no. Lights come up. Ghost vanishes but says Bridger's name. Then it chuckles after demanding he leave again. Ghostman isn't all that stable.
Bridger finds Hitchcock and tells him the way. Bridger doesn't buy it and opens one of the "locked" doors easily. That's supposed to be the ghost, but I think Hitchcock is just dumb. Dining room now. Somebody is laid out on the table, the engineer. Bridger says the others must have been stowaways. Hitchcock checks out a dance card with one Lillian booked in it. An epitaph written on paper explains who the stiff is.
Bridger phones for Crocker to read the diary. Westphalen starts echoing it and stands up. She walks out and Crocker and Lucas follow. Crocker is still reading from the diary even as Westphalen recites. They reach a door and she faints. Crocker could have held the phone to her face. They're outside the captain's door now and it's bleeding. Looks like chocolate syrup.
Levine explains that this is the spirit's safe place. The blood is a manifestation of fears. Crocker is fed up and tries the door. It burns him. "That's a much better trick."
Lucas is reading the diary and expositions about how the captain sunk the ship, for Lillian apparently. Bridger wants in the room. He tries the burning handle, and it lights off before he touches it. He tries again, more fire. there's a bad rushing gas noise when it lights up. Crocker suggests Lucas burn his hand. Lucas is not thrilled about the prospect. Bridger says they need the ship's log. Lucas drops a log in his jeans. Brandis gives us that weird open-mouthed expressin again and reaches out. The handle does not burn him. It looks like makeup was hiding a little bit of acne on his temple.
He opens the door and steps in, then flames rise up behind him in a big wall and he does the usual recoiling from it thing. The door slams shut and he's inside with fire all around and manghost. Possessed Westphalen wanders off and Crocker goes with. Bridger wants to know if Lucas is ok and Lucas yells that he's ok. he found the log book. The fire is real, but nowhere near Jonathan Brandis. You can tell in the profile shots.
Manghost submits. Tells Lucas to tell Bridger to go to the ball room. Lucas stares down the ghost and the fires go out. He soberly takes the log. Manghost explains he didn't know about the stowaways. Lucas explains how manghost kept Lillian and her guy on the ship. Lil's guy died without guilt and was free to pass on. Lil is stuck here by her guilt too. Manghost doesn't know why Lil is guilty.
The two of them establish the escape clause to end the haunting. Manghost apparently never thought to ask Lil to let him go. Lucas suggests asking.
Ball room. Bridger walks in on Westphalen waltzing by herself. Another person is laid out in a white dress. Must be Lil. Bridger confirms it. Westphalen is just dancing randomly. I think Stephanie Beecham knew how to waltz because it looks fairly real. Bridger asks why she's here. She can't leave. Bridger asks if her hatred is keeping her here. She says it's manghost, who just arrived with Lucas in tow.
Manghost doffs his hat and tells Lilcorpse he never wanted it to be this way. He releases her to go to her guy. Then he touches the corpse and asks to be forgiven. Translucent Lil rises from the corpse and forgives. Manghost thanks her.
A white light descends from the ceiling and her guy has arrived, in black and white, to pick her up. She goes to him. They kiss. Now he's in color. Lil's guy beckons for manghost and he goes. They're beamed up. Westphalen groans in pain and notices their bad air badges are lit up. They all take their inhalers (sports bottles with mouthpieces) and suck once.
Epilogue. Bridger reads the log to his wife's hologram to explain the plot. Then he turns it off. Pan across the floor. Bridger's bad air badge turns red and manghost laughs.
That was the most pointless episode to date. Not a second of actual tension. The cast just walked into a play starring other people and played with special effects for an hour. Terrible. It's a bad gothic romance that fits the series not at all. We learn nothing about anybody we should be caring about except that Levine (a recurring redshirt) reads ghost stories and Crocker is superstitious. Given how much a stock character Crocker is, that's not news. What were they thinking? Wait! Don't tell me:
Originally Aired: October 31, 1993
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Last Week's Lost
Watched it on ABC.com last night and the flash-forwards bothered me the whole time. How long have they been off the island when Kate is at her trial? Her kid is at least two and she's obviously not yet pregnant. The subtext between her and Jack is that the kid's Sawyer's. Even if she got pregnant this episode, which is probably the intention, I have trouble believing an open and shut case would get caught up in two years of pre-trial shenanigans.
They can't reasonably delay her getting off the island too long, since I think Juliet said the mandatory die-off for pregnant women is at about six months. Even allowing that six months you still have eighteen months of mystery time.
But continuity: judging by how Kate and Jack are behaving in the flash-forwards, Kate's trial happens before they get married. Is this where the show is going? The first season was mostly about who these people were before they got to the island. The second was mostly about the island. The third was largely about the Others and deepening the island mystery. Now we're abandoning that to dwell on what happens a few years later? I'm interested in what seems to be going on with Ben, Sayid, and what seems to be their personal war against the Dharma Initiative's successors, but it smells suspiciously of the writers washing their hands with the island and all of its unresolved questions.
They can't reasonably delay her getting off the island too long, since I think Juliet said the mandatory die-off for pregnant women is at about six months. Even allowing that six months you still have eighteen months of mystery time.
But continuity: judging by how Kate and Jack are behaving in the flash-forwards, Kate's trial happens before they get married. Is this where the show is going? The first season was mostly about who these people were before they got to the island. The second was mostly about the island. The third was largely about the Others and deepening the island mystery. Now we're abandoning that to dwell on what happens a few years later? I'm interested in what seems to be going on with Ben, Sayid, and what seems to be their personal war against the Dharma Initiative's successors, but it smells suspiciously of the writers washing their hands with the island and all of its unresolved questions.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I like weird music videos
I have no musical ability at all. I like listening to music sometimes, and I understand the theory behind how these particular noises are made in quick succession to generate the music. I like lyrics. I can usually get poetry. But seeing musicians doing, or even pretending to do, music is really weird to me. I have about average physical coordination, at best, so seeing people dancing is a bit weird too. Put these things together in a format that has some weird all its own, the music video, and it can be a really surreal experience for me. What really hooks me in is when the band seems to know about and deliberately cultivate the weirdness in a coherent manner. I like music videos well enough as small musicals, but this is the sort of music video that I really get enthralled by.
Consider Panic At the Disco (They used to have an exclamation point.). The refrain has the lead singer writhing around, staring great-goggly eyed and mad into the camera like a charmed psychopath. He mugs and twists like something is alive and out of control inside him. Perfect. They also did a circus-wedding themed video where the lead singer is playing the conscience of a groom who is in denial about his bride-to-be cheating on him. The song is a little repetitive, but the video has a visceral but dreamy kind of magical realism about it. Come to think of it, both of these videos have a little bit of a circus theme.
By the same token, Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season has one of these moments halfway through when the police and the mob break into choreographed violence. Their Unwell is more surrealistic.
I think one of the things these examples have in common is they all involve some form of implied or explicit literalization of metaphors, whether by placing the whole piece as a sort of internal monologue with pictures or just bringing parts of it into the real world. The point of a metaphor in writing is supposed to be to show you something better than a straight description would. It makes good sense for a visual medium to invert that. It's not the most original thing, and music videos are not high art, but it's fun. It has a big punch for me. For my enjoyment, a good metaphor is big, involved, and has a lot of pieces hanging together. It should go just far enough that it takes a slight effort to keep straight. Ideally, the viewer has the same sense of movement that the written metaphor would give, or one of those times when the music suddenly changes tracks.
The same thing works for me in other media. That's handy when I watch anime and they start doing scenes, even whole episodes, that only happen inside someone's head. I guess musicals are an especially good vehicle for it. My introversion is probably a factor in the appeal too. I'm a pretty bottled-up person. I live alone. I only go out at night if I can help it. A musical where people sing there thoughts in gigantic dance numbers is about as far as you can get from that and some surrealism there taps into my sense of otherness about the whole process.
Consider Panic At the Disco (They used to have an exclamation point.). The refrain has the lead singer writhing around, staring great-goggly eyed and mad into the camera like a charmed psychopath. He mugs and twists like something is alive and out of control inside him. Perfect. They also did a circus-wedding themed video where the lead singer is playing the conscience of a groom who is in denial about his bride-to-be cheating on him. The song is a little repetitive, but the video has a visceral but dreamy kind of magical realism about it. Come to think of it, both of these videos have a little bit of a circus theme.
By the same token, Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season has one of these moments halfway through when the police and the mob break into choreographed violence. Their Unwell is more surrealistic.
I think one of the things these examples have in common is they all involve some form of implied or explicit literalization of metaphors, whether by placing the whole piece as a sort of internal monologue with pictures or just bringing parts of it into the real world. The point of a metaphor in writing is supposed to be to show you something better than a straight description would. It makes good sense for a visual medium to invert that. It's not the most original thing, and music videos are not high art, but it's fun. It has a big punch for me. For my enjoyment, a good metaphor is big, involved, and has a lot of pieces hanging together. It should go just far enough that it takes a slight effort to keep straight. Ideally, the viewer has the same sense of movement that the written metaphor would give, or one of those times when the music suddenly changes tracks.
The same thing works for me in other media. That's handy when I watch anime and they start doing scenes, even whole episodes, that only happen inside someone's head. I guess musicals are an especially good vehicle for it. My introversion is probably a factor in the appeal too. I'm a pretty bottled-up person. I live alone. I only go out at night if I can help it. A musical where people sing there thoughts in gigantic dance numbers is about as far as you can get from that and some surrealism there taps into my sense of otherness about the whole process.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Give me Liberté
Thank you Character Map for finding me the accent. I'm not sure I'll use it again, but it's in the title where it can fool people who never read more than the title.
Originally aired:
October 24, 1993.
I don't remember this episode at all, judging from the synopsis.
Teaser. Aqua-Sphere 7, some fracture zone. A minisub goes by and the captions tell us it's a sea launch. Then it docks and the captions tells us it's a sea launch docking. Seriously.
Ford is on the phone complaining about how the scientists in this post live in isolation. He's about to offload a replacement team. Wasn't the BioSphere thing about this time? Might be topical. Ford yells into the airlock after getting no answer. The new scientists have an override to get them in. One of them is a bit player who plays a scientist in a future episode.
Ford on the phone tells us (we're on the bridge) about the place being torn up. There's chatter. Ford yells at everyone to calm down and be quiet. Ford says there's been some kind of incident and the entire team is dead. Six bodies. "Something has turned this place into a tomb." Credits.
I'm sorry, but we needed to see something of that set except for Ford sticking his head in a generic airlock. This isn't suspenseful. It's like having someone describe a horror movie scene to you. Badly.
Hallway. Bridger is interrogating Westphalen about what they know. She just finished the autopsies. I'm glad they didn't have her handle bodies that might be infected with a fatal, strange disease on the seaQuest. Except they did. The crew that went over are in an isolation chamber in the moon pool, but they just hauled the bodies over in sacks? Way to go.
Ford wants to know why they're being quarantined, because he's retarded. Westphalen explains that they might have picked up a virus or bacteria. Ford smarts off at her and reminds us of the plot, because he must think Bridger forgot. Bridger tells him he didn't forget. Then he starts freaking out about the faces on the bodies. Bridger tries to console him, but tells him his ass is in the lockup until Westphalen says they're clean. Ford whines about not being a lab rat. Bridger calls on a scientist in there with him, who confirms the quarantine is important.
The scientist talks about this work log that says the dead guys went outside to map a faultline. The log says they found Something which Doesn't Exactly Belong Down Here.
Hyper Reality Probe. Stacy Haiduk's hand in a glove. Her wearing the glasses. Her narrating finding the spot. CGI of a generic wall. It's rugged. Then something shaped like the head of a pill bottle, but green and rusty. Marked Liberté. It's a space station and this is the Andromeda Strain.
Crocker rambles about how they went down to find it (it's a space station) but never did. Bridger remembers hearing of salvage. He orders the probe in. CGI of the interior. Flashing light for no reason. The probe has a steady headlamp. Vague shapes. One is an arm among pipes. Rotted skull in space suit.
Moon Pool. Lucas skips into the moon pool with dirt on the space station. Lucas thinks the confederation behind the space ship is hiding something. He ran in skipping like he's six and now he's all suave. He found out a scientist stayed behind when the space station was "abandoned". Bridger met him years ago at a futurists conference. He was a geneticist. Lucas says he disappeared after the station went down. There was a cover-up. Ford blows up and Lucas turns off his comm. Bridger makes him turn it back on. Ok. Apparently this geneticist isn't one of the corpses. Lucas is dressed a lot like a European college student this episode.
Bridger figures out that the away team all have the virus that killed these people from the station. Westphalen was there ten minutes ago and smarts at him. Bridger is not supposed to be dumb. Westphalen informs Ford that they're going to stay in quarantine. Ford smarts off. Redshirt with southern accent asks if he can phone his wife or something. Incidentally, this aggression is meant to be a symptom, but it's not far off Ford's normal personality. Bridger kisses the plague dogs' asses and asks them to have faith in Westphalen.
Bridger walks out of his room in civvies. Lucas catches him with the geneticist's location. But Lucas got caught and traced. Westphalen has a list of questions for the geneticist. Bridger blows off the list. He says he's going to haul the doc along with him. Where are they supposed to be? Hitchcock explains that a shuttle is waiting on the surface for him. Ok. They thought about that.
Bridger tells Hitchcock that she might have to relieve Ford if he goes crazier. He expects her to do so.
Moon pool. Ford wants to know what's going on, because he can't open his hand. Westphalen thinks aloud and pisses him off. This time he actually sounds afraid instead of just pissed. The director must have said something. Ford has realized he's locked up with his future murderers. Westphalen tells him to fight.
Ominous music underwater as a new sub arrives. O'Neil says it's the Lafayette from the North Sea Confederation. What sounds like real French informs O'Neil that they are there for the ship.
Surface. Montbard, France. Bridger gets out of a car that was antique in the Fifties but is apparently a rental. It's a tiny, cramped little set. Crocker tries to pick up a passing woman. She spits French at him and slaps his face. Bridger comes back because nobody is home. Now they're on a stake out.
Moon pool. Hitchcock is telling Ford about the French sub. He's forgotten Bridger is gone and he's in command. He orders an attack. Hitchcock doesn't buy this. Ford says to give it over now. She tries to talk him down, badly. She reminds him something dangerous could be on board the station. Now Ford is doing the giving an order line. She points out that she has two sets of conflicting orders now. Ford wants to know what the captain thinks. Is this all dialog from previous episodes?
Hallway. Hitchcock walks down it and into the bridge. Lots of people seem to just hang around the seaQuest bridge. Hitchcock announces she has relieved Ford of command. She phones the French and tells them to back off. She more or less dares him to attack. The French captain remarks that seaQuest is a peacekeeping vessel. They back off.
A nervous french man in a trench coat and derby hat comes up. Crocker is in his way and gets barked at. Bridger introduces himself and the geneticist tries to shove the door shut. He lives in a dingy little basement apartment up a flight of stairs from the street. The geneticist denies everything, but he has a picture of himself and somebody else in space suits right on his coffee table. The geneticist is freaking out. I think they made him up to look a bit like Mengele.
People are dying, Bridger says. That's what people do. The only things that survive are pain and guilt. Bridger wants to know what it was like in space. Apparently it was a deep experience. They're bonding. He offers the geneticist a chance to play tourist. This guy is an easy sell all the sudden. Sure, lives in danger are nothing but a chance to be in a cool submarine seals the deal.
Geneticist is in the launch doing some Cousteau. The sea is dark, mysterious. He regrets coming and pulls out a big flask. Bridger wants to know what happened on the ship. Their experiment went very wrong. Only he made it back. It was not an accident. The geneticist was in a safe room. He escaped before the self-destruct fired.
Bridger returns to seaQuest and asks after Ford. He's not good. He's falling apart. Oh yeah, and a warrior sub has arrived. The station has been pumped dry and pressurized. Was that wise? Do they want more victims? Maybe someone for Ford to play with.
Moon Pool. The geneticist has a seaQuest vest on now. Lucas is staring into a stereoscope and making notes. Yes, a blue light covers his eyes.
Westphalen and the geneticist are talking about his work with chromosomes. It was a bioweapon. Really? Lucas sticks his nose in, literally, and says somebody was playing God. Ford snaps at him about watching the patients and taking notes. Now the geneticist is breaking down, but remembers some more. Lucas starts laying the guilt on him. Lucas is wearing a very strange shirt that looks a bit like a patchwork quilt now.
Krieg walks into the quarantine with some party favors. He's in one of those suits. He inches up by Ford and tries to give a pep talk about how he wants to help. He puts a VR helmet on Ford's head and Ford pushes him over and grabs at the suit. He's going to tear it. And it's torn right as Bridger says he's going to tear the suit. Krieg tries to bugger out but Bridger tells him to stop. In this situation, Krieg might be the last one to die.
Westphalen stares into a microscope. Bridger asks what's up. Turns out the geneticist ran off to drink. Bridger chases after him. He's very drunk in the mess hall. Bridger sneaks up and sweeps his drink off the table. He gives the rant about being damned if the geneticist is going to give up on Bridger and his crew. The doc says he doesn't know what to do. Bridger wants to know why his hero sucks.
Apparently there were two survivors. The doc and another. Pierre. He was in the test chamber but did not get sick. Ok, so they planned to test this bioweapon on their own people. Nice. And they were not wise to this? Pierre cried for help, but the doc would not give it. The doc watched Pierre die. Killing four or five other people didn't count, but killing this one survivor was too far. Pierre was never sick, but I guess got left behind. They need a sample of his DNA. Hey, they have corpses!
Bridger wants a launch so he can go over. Then they detect satellite tracking. The French are going to nuke the site from space to cover things up again. The satellite can't tell the difference between seaQuest and the station. Bridger and Crocker are going over with the doc to the vessel full of crazy plague because...why? If anything, shouldn't it be the doc and a redshirt?
O'Neil read the French email. I guess it's not a nuke from space. It's a nuke from an aircraft. It's in the water. They fire off countermeasures. The nuke got locked on the countermeasures and blew 'em up. This shakes the space station and Bridger tells us the station will not take much more of that. Corcker says they'd better hurry. He's a quick one. They sort through the bodies and find Pierre by his watch. Crocker asks if Bridger wants to carve and Bridger is not impressed by his joking. The doc finds a cannister full of the plague and hands it to Bridger. He collects these things and uses them to lure scientists back to his van.
Reduntant dialog about how they have to get out fast. The doc is going to stay and die. Bridger isn't buying it. He punches the doc, claims the doc is exhausted, and drags him. Third missile in the water. Too late to intercept this one. Fifty seconds to impact. Hitchcock plans to shoot it. Bridger bursts into the bridge and tells her to let 'em blow it up. She asks about scattering the virus, which Crocker has in a tote bag. Totally secure, of course.
Moon pool. Westphalen complains about doctors that kill. Lucas, in a peach shirt over a peach shirt, is getting a reading. They have a cure. Everyone smiles. Westphalen breaks the news to the patients.
Epilogue. The doc remembers Bridger. He wants to know if the seaQuest is everything Bridger dreamed. Yes. Also, the doc likes the water.
This one worked. It's not novel. It's the Andromeda Strain mashed up with the MacGuyver episode where he's disarming the satellite around Vancouver. It works for what it is, and unlike last time the plot makes a fair amount of sense. The characters are cut-outs and it's weakened by relying too much on Hitchcock to carry the second act. Neither the actress nor the character are up to it. Crocker is an annoying stock character, but that's nothing new. Lucas is a generic lab helper for most of the episode. Would he even know how to help in a biology lab? His education is all computers. Did Westphalen just press-gang him as her new graduate assistant? I know he's a genius, but even assuming something visible was happening under a stereoscope it's unlikely that he would know what it meant. Maybe they cut out thirty scenes where he went over and called her about something that turned out to be a spec of dust on the lens.
Those are good jobs, by the way. Lab assistants get all the benefits of TAs but are generally not expected to teach at all. Mom had a few friends that went that route. You work on your thesis/dissertation and help out as asked, but that's it. No grading, no teaching.
Originally aired:
October 24, 1993.
I don't remember this episode at all, judging from the synopsis.
Teaser. Aqua-Sphere 7, some fracture zone. A minisub goes by and the captions tell us it's a sea launch. Then it docks and the captions tells us it's a sea launch docking. Seriously.
Ford is on the phone complaining about how the scientists in this post live in isolation. He's about to offload a replacement team. Wasn't the BioSphere thing about this time? Might be topical. Ford yells into the airlock after getting no answer. The new scientists have an override to get them in. One of them is a bit player who plays a scientist in a future episode.
Ford on the phone tells us (we're on the bridge) about the place being torn up. There's chatter. Ford yells at everyone to calm down and be quiet. Ford says there's been some kind of incident and the entire team is dead. Six bodies. "Something has turned this place into a tomb." Credits.
I'm sorry, but we needed to see something of that set except for Ford sticking his head in a generic airlock. This isn't suspenseful. It's like having someone describe a horror movie scene to you. Badly.
Hallway. Bridger is interrogating Westphalen about what they know. She just finished the autopsies. I'm glad they didn't have her handle bodies that might be infected with a fatal, strange disease on the seaQuest. Except they did. The crew that went over are in an isolation chamber in the moon pool, but they just hauled the bodies over in sacks? Way to go.
Ford wants to know why they're being quarantined, because he's retarded. Westphalen explains that they might have picked up a virus or bacteria. Ford smarts off at her and reminds us of the plot, because he must think Bridger forgot. Bridger tells him he didn't forget. Then he starts freaking out about the faces on the bodies. Bridger tries to console him, but tells him his ass is in the lockup until Westphalen says they're clean. Ford whines about not being a lab rat. Bridger calls on a scientist in there with him, who confirms the quarantine is important.
The scientist talks about this work log that says the dead guys went outside to map a faultline. The log says they found Something which Doesn't Exactly Belong Down Here.
Hyper Reality Probe. Stacy Haiduk's hand in a glove. Her wearing the glasses. Her narrating finding the spot. CGI of a generic wall. It's rugged. Then something shaped like the head of a pill bottle, but green and rusty. Marked Liberté. It's a space station and this is the Andromeda Strain.
Crocker rambles about how they went down to find it (it's a space station) but never did. Bridger remembers hearing of salvage. He orders the probe in. CGI of the interior. Flashing light for no reason. The probe has a steady headlamp. Vague shapes. One is an arm among pipes. Rotted skull in space suit.
Moon Pool. Lucas skips into the moon pool with dirt on the space station. Lucas thinks the confederation behind the space ship is hiding something. He ran in skipping like he's six and now he's all suave. He found out a scientist stayed behind when the space station was "abandoned". Bridger met him years ago at a futurists conference. He was a geneticist. Lucas says he disappeared after the station went down. There was a cover-up. Ford blows up and Lucas turns off his comm. Bridger makes him turn it back on. Ok. Apparently this geneticist isn't one of the corpses. Lucas is dressed a lot like a European college student this episode.
Bridger figures out that the away team all have the virus that killed these people from the station. Westphalen was there ten minutes ago and smarts at him. Bridger is not supposed to be dumb. Westphalen informs Ford that they're going to stay in quarantine. Ford smarts off. Redshirt with southern accent asks if he can phone his wife or something. Incidentally, this aggression is meant to be a symptom, but it's not far off Ford's normal personality. Bridger kisses the plague dogs' asses and asks them to have faith in Westphalen.
Bridger walks out of his room in civvies. Lucas catches him with the geneticist's location. But Lucas got caught and traced. Westphalen has a list of questions for the geneticist. Bridger blows off the list. He says he's going to haul the doc along with him. Where are they supposed to be? Hitchcock explains that a shuttle is waiting on the surface for him. Ok. They thought about that.
Bridger tells Hitchcock that she might have to relieve Ford if he goes crazier. He expects her to do so.
Moon pool. Ford wants to know what's going on, because he can't open his hand. Westphalen thinks aloud and pisses him off. This time he actually sounds afraid instead of just pissed. The director must have said something. Ford has realized he's locked up with his future murderers. Westphalen tells him to fight.
Ominous music underwater as a new sub arrives. O'Neil says it's the Lafayette from the North Sea Confederation. What sounds like real French informs O'Neil that they are there for the ship.
Surface. Montbard, France. Bridger gets out of a car that was antique in the Fifties but is apparently a rental. It's a tiny, cramped little set. Crocker tries to pick up a passing woman. She spits French at him and slaps his face. Bridger comes back because nobody is home. Now they're on a stake out.
Moon pool. Hitchcock is telling Ford about the French sub. He's forgotten Bridger is gone and he's in command. He orders an attack. Hitchcock doesn't buy this. Ford says to give it over now. She tries to talk him down, badly. She reminds him something dangerous could be on board the station. Now Ford is doing the giving an order line. She points out that she has two sets of conflicting orders now. Ford wants to know what the captain thinks. Is this all dialog from previous episodes?
Hallway. Hitchcock walks down it and into the bridge. Lots of people seem to just hang around the seaQuest bridge. Hitchcock announces she has relieved Ford of command. She phones the French and tells them to back off. She more or less dares him to attack. The French captain remarks that seaQuest is a peacekeeping vessel. They back off.
A nervous french man in a trench coat and derby hat comes up. Crocker is in his way and gets barked at. Bridger introduces himself and the geneticist tries to shove the door shut. He lives in a dingy little basement apartment up a flight of stairs from the street. The geneticist denies everything, but he has a picture of himself and somebody else in space suits right on his coffee table. The geneticist is freaking out. I think they made him up to look a bit like Mengele.
People are dying, Bridger says. That's what people do. The only things that survive are pain and guilt. Bridger wants to know what it was like in space. Apparently it was a deep experience. They're bonding. He offers the geneticist a chance to play tourist. This guy is an easy sell all the sudden. Sure, lives in danger are nothing but a chance to be in a cool submarine seals the deal.
Geneticist is in the launch doing some Cousteau. The sea is dark, mysterious. He regrets coming and pulls out a big flask. Bridger wants to know what happened on the ship. Their experiment went very wrong. Only he made it back. It was not an accident. The geneticist was in a safe room. He escaped before the self-destruct fired.
Bridger returns to seaQuest and asks after Ford. He's not good. He's falling apart. Oh yeah, and a warrior sub has arrived. The station has been pumped dry and pressurized. Was that wise? Do they want more victims? Maybe someone for Ford to play with.
Moon Pool. The geneticist has a seaQuest vest on now. Lucas is staring into a stereoscope and making notes. Yes, a blue light covers his eyes.
Westphalen and the geneticist are talking about his work with chromosomes. It was a bioweapon. Really? Lucas sticks his nose in, literally, and says somebody was playing God. Ford snaps at him about watching the patients and taking notes. Now the geneticist is breaking down, but remembers some more. Lucas starts laying the guilt on him. Lucas is wearing a very strange shirt that looks a bit like a patchwork quilt now.
Krieg walks into the quarantine with some party favors. He's in one of those suits. He inches up by Ford and tries to give a pep talk about how he wants to help. He puts a VR helmet on Ford's head and Ford pushes him over and grabs at the suit. He's going to tear it. And it's torn right as Bridger says he's going to tear the suit. Krieg tries to bugger out but Bridger tells him to stop. In this situation, Krieg might be the last one to die.
Westphalen stares into a microscope. Bridger asks what's up. Turns out the geneticist ran off to drink. Bridger chases after him. He's very drunk in the mess hall. Bridger sneaks up and sweeps his drink off the table. He gives the rant about being damned if the geneticist is going to give up on Bridger and his crew. The doc says he doesn't know what to do. Bridger wants to know why his hero sucks.
Apparently there were two survivors. The doc and another. Pierre. He was in the test chamber but did not get sick. Ok, so they planned to test this bioweapon on their own people. Nice. And they were not wise to this? Pierre cried for help, but the doc would not give it. The doc watched Pierre die. Killing four or five other people didn't count, but killing this one survivor was too far. Pierre was never sick, but I guess got left behind. They need a sample of his DNA. Hey, they have corpses!
Bridger wants a launch so he can go over. Then they detect satellite tracking. The French are going to nuke the site from space to cover things up again. The satellite can't tell the difference between seaQuest and the station. Bridger and Crocker are going over with the doc to the vessel full of crazy plague because...why? If anything, shouldn't it be the doc and a redshirt?
O'Neil read the French email. I guess it's not a nuke from space. It's a nuke from an aircraft. It's in the water. They fire off countermeasures. The nuke got locked on the countermeasures and blew 'em up. This shakes the space station and Bridger tells us the station will not take much more of that. Corcker says they'd better hurry. He's a quick one. They sort through the bodies and find Pierre by his watch. Crocker asks if Bridger wants to carve and Bridger is not impressed by his joking. The doc finds a cannister full of the plague and hands it to Bridger. He collects these things and uses them to lure scientists back to his van.
Reduntant dialog about how they have to get out fast. The doc is going to stay and die. Bridger isn't buying it. He punches the doc, claims the doc is exhausted, and drags him. Third missile in the water. Too late to intercept this one. Fifty seconds to impact. Hitchcock plans to shoot it. Bridger bursts into the bridge and tells her to let 'em blow it up. She asks about scattering the virus, which Crocker has in a tote bag. Totally secure, of course.
Moon pool. Westphalen complains about doctors that kill. Lucas, in a peach shirt over a peach shirt, is getting a reading. They have a cure. Everyone smiles. Westphalen breaks the news to the patients.
Epilogue. The doc remembers Bridger. He wants to know if the seaQuest is everything Bridger dreamed. Yes. Also, the doc likes the water.
This one worked. It's not novel. It's the Andromeda Strain mashed up with the MacGuyver episode where he's disarming the satellite around Vancouver. It works for what it is, and unlike last time the plot makes a fair amount of sense. The characters are cut-outs and it's weakened by relying too much on Hitchcock to carry the second act. Neither the actress nor the character are up to it. Crocker is an annoying stock character, but that's nothing new. Lucas is a generic lab helper for most of the episode. Would he even know how to help in a biology lab? His education is all computers. Did Westphalen just press-gang him as her new graduate assistant? I know he's a genius, but even assuming something visible was happening under a stereoscope it's unlikely that he would know what it meant. Maybe they cut out thirty scenes where he went over and called her about something that turned out to be a spec of dust on the lens.
Those are good jobs, by the way. Lab assistants get all the benefits of TAs but are generally not expected to teach at all. Mom had a few friends that went that route. You work on your thesis/dissertation and help out as asked, but that's it. No grading, no teaching.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Brothers and Sisters
Originally Aired: October 17, 1993
Going to do this one half as I watch.
Teaser: very bad bit actors reading off a script for a distress call that cuts out right after the woman gives an "Oh my god, the children!" line and then the man drly states, "We're going down." Seriously, it's like he's ordering fries.
Ward Room. They try to explain to us how there's this old munitions depot. Turns out some people were there decommissioning old weapons. This is for real. They still dig up a few hundred pounds of shells left over from WWII every year in Europe. I can buy that scenario. But apparently it's been like three years and no one checked in. I guess the distress call didn't bother anybody. Then Westphalen is failing with all her might to convince us that it's not safe to go visit the depot to blow it up from inside. Her explanation makes no sense at all.
They break up when Ortiz complains that they're being targeted. Turns out its a dud. The send out the hyper-reality probe, which spots some kids in the windows. Guess we can't blow that place up from afar after all? Or if we do nobody can ever rat us out, since Bridger morality from previous episodes is that you're either supposed to incriminate yourself whenever you discover someone doing something shady or keep your damned mouth shut.
This episode sucks. Seriously.
So they take a little sub over and Ford prowls around the depot. Turns out some of the kids are sleeping on top of nukes. Funny. The leader of the children is a generic-looking kid with some kind of rifle or crossbow or something. Maybe it's just a spear with a handle. They don't know where their parents are. Oh, Ford calls the weapons spears.
Lieutenant whatshername, Hitchcock, tries to woo the kids with promises of hot food and candy if they just come over to her van. Turns out a kid has an embolism he got while firing the torpedo at seaQuest and they're taking him to the ship. Cue all the kids, including the scrappy girl, but not the angsty leader hurrying along with the sick kid. The Depot shakes.
seaQuest, Lucas barges into the bridge and demands Bridger's attention. Lucas heard about the kids, but Bridger doesn't want him around right now. Bridger sends him to go talk to the kids. He is to remember, though, that he is still a part of this crew. What? Is he worried about Lucas going native with the Lost Boys? Or that he might rat out Hitchcock's plan to ply the kids with candy and take them back to her van.
Moon Pool. Westphalen explains the problem with the embolism to two kids who have been dressed in seaQuest sweats. They keep a stock of these in children's sizes? That's creepy. The younger kids are chased off and the older girl, Cleo, is pawned off on Lucas. Jonathan Brandis was really good at acting aroused. His hands were even in his pockets. Lucas looks for all the world like he's having some fun just standing there in front of everybody. Lucas takes Cleo on a tour. Not of his pants, yet.
Hitchcock does some sign language with a waifish girl...how many kids were there? Ben sort of hits on her over it and she blows him off. I thought they didn't like being married.
Depot. Ford is prowling around some tubes and talks to Bridger about how he hasn't found the older boy.
Bridge. Bridger sits down on the laps of the two little kids. He chases them out.
Lucas in a hallway with Cleo. Explains how his father just dumped him on seaQuest. He's angsting and Cleo tells him how a really rough life is. Cleo looks sort of familiar. I should check the credits. She goes off and sits down in a stairwell. Lucas follows and sits down behind her. Apparently there was an adult left on the depot for a while, but she died just after guilt-tripping Zack, the lost boy on the depot, and Cleo about their new lives as parentals. Lucas invites Cleo to do something fun.
Ford finds the tomb of the older woman, Nana, on the depot. Bridger chases two Lost Boys away from his navigation table. Crocker declares that they are slippery like a something Texas on a wet something else Texas Texas. It's still bugging me that seaQuest apparently carries a full wardrobe for children. The most we ever see on Lucas is a wet suit and a denim jacket with a ginormous seaQuest logo on it, and he lives there.
Lucas rushes into his room with Cleo. She likes his room and isn't interested in seeing his game. She likes that the room smells like Lucas. She also wants to know if Darwin always follows Lucas. The Darwin-Lucas relationship is a little creepy. Lucas technobabbles about the game and is he aroused by this girl or not? He's all over the map. She doesn't want to play a game, so he suggests an interactive movie. She says she wants music. Lucas has classical, country (I don't buy that for a kid like him) rock, etc. She asks for something soft. He puts it on and she's into it. Lucas, being a genius, realizes at this point that they did not have music at the depot.
Now he's walking up behind her and I don't know if he's being supportive or hormonal. Cleo sort of hug-dances him but doesn't get very close. That sort of approach could injure one or both of them. Darwin leaves them to it.
Depot. Ford is talking on his radio. He wants to get out of the place, but they heard something. He goes out and finds a room full of plastic balls. He gives this reaction line that makes it sound like he's four, then gets pulled under the balls. The red shirt spots the spear. Here's Zack! he chases Ford around a bit but doesn't use the spear except to shoot a pipe. The depot tilts and groans.
Ford tells Bridger he has a situation and at Zack's demand turns the radio off.
The gym on seaQuest. Hitchcock is working out the episode's T&A. Ben comes in and wants to explain that he slipped into old habits earlier. She is not impressed. A bad cgi mannequin is demonstrating how to use the gym's bowflex. Ben apologizes. Hitchcock watches the cgi. Hitchcock glurges about how trusting the little deaf girl is and wishes she had kids. This is such filler. They're trying to fill out characters with spare moments, but this is totally generic divorced people talk.
Bridge. Bridger explains the situation with Zack to Cleo. Zack does not want to talk despite the fact that the depot is collapsing. Cleo talks to Zack. Zack wants her back. She says it's not safe, but he says they're lying to her. Then he goes on about how he doesn't need anybody. Ford asks for a little time with Zack. He's jealous that Hitchcock lured the younger ones into her van with candy.
The Lost Boys are with Ben and she's showing them the shell game. They do not fall for it. Ben claims he's going to step it up. I wonder if they still find the ball. They do. Gosh, didn't see that coming.
Bridge. Hitchcock is on her hyper-reality probe checking out the trench. Bridger discovers that the sick kid is improving.
Moon pool. Boys playing the shell game. Crocker wants in on it. He's going to blow it. He does. Adults are useless. Crocker wants two of three. He blows his second. The boys palmed the ball. They toss it in the pool and Crocker starts ranting at them. He turns and reaches for the floating ball. They push him in the drink. I hate these two. They're generic filler kids.
Bridger comes in because he heard something in Westphalen's voice. She claims that the kids have to be kept together and good luck keeping all six together in a foster home. Bridger says it's out of his hands when he has 'em all rescued. Cleo overheard. I think I saw this plot on every Made for TV movie ever.
Cleo steals something sharp and goes to Lucas. She threatens Lucas with the knife, but she can't follow through. His hair is too big. Cleo says Zack has lost it because adults always abandon them. She thinks he's going to die so something has to be done. Cleo is sure Zack will listen, so Lucas opts to steal a launch and get her back over to talk to crazy Zack.
Zack and Ford discuss being afraid to die. Zack is hiding in one of those plastic playground castles.
Bridge. Lucas, according to the ensign on the phone, tricked him and ran off with a launch. Westphalen explains how kids need role models and Zack is captain of his crew. Bridger seems to get something. Zack's father was in the marines. Ok. Man, this is going to be an awful climax.
Zack sees Cleo...with Lucas. Lucas says hi. Ford wants to know what they're doing on the depot. Lucas looks down into the balls and asks Ford what he's doing there. Lucas falls into the balls with Ford and Zack aims a spear at him because...why?
Exterior shot. The cgi on this show is pretty good for external shots underwater. Murky hides the worst of it. Hitchcock explains she found the lost sub with their parents. The parents were trying to get back to the depot when they crashed.
Oh man, here it comes. Crocker walks in in dress uniform and does this whole drill sergeant deal. Bridger follows and orders Ford, et al out. He's alone with Crocker and Zack. He examines Zack's spear and then gives the standard obituary speech to Zack, who is suddenly moved by these adults who always lie to him. Bridger tells him it's time to go and he goes.
That sucked.
Epilogue, Cleo is with Darwin and Lucas in the moon pool. She wants to know if they'll be split up. Lucas promises Bridger will see to it this does not happen and Bridger is a Man of His Word. Lucas promises he and Cleo can see each other again and...I owned the flannel shirt Lucas has been wearing all episode. I think it came from K-Mart. They're about to kiss (Cleo and Lucas, not Lucas and the shirt) when they get paged to the bridge, where apparently a memorial is going on. They have a moment of silence and then fire torpedoes at the depot.
Bridger gives a speech and apparently the UEO gives out its highest civilian honor to the Lost Kids because they didn't die. Oh yeah, and Lucas is grounded because making money by misappropriating UEO assets was a-ok last episode. Using them without profit? That's grounding.
Man, this one is awful.
Going to do this one half as I watch.
Teaser: very bad bit actors reading off a script for a distress call that cuts out right after the woman gives an "Oh my god, the children!" line and then the man drly states, "We're going down." Seriously, it's like he's ordering fries.
Ward Room. They try to explain to us how there's this old munitions depot. Turns out some people were there decommissioning old weapons. This is for real. They still dig up a few hundred pounds of shells left over from WWII every year in Europe. I can buy that scenario. But apparently it's been like three years and no one checked in. I guess the distress call didn't bother anybody. Then Westphalen is failing with all her might to convince us that it's not safe to go visit the depot to blow it up from inside. Her explanation makes no sense at all.
They break up when Ortiz complains that they're being targeted. Turns out its a dud. The send out the hyper-reality probe, which spots some kids in the windows. Guess we can't blow that place up from afar after all? Or if we do nobody can ever rat us out, since Bridger morality from previous episodes is that you're either supposed to incriminate yourself whenever you discover someone doing something shady or keep your damned mouth shut.
This episode sucks. Seriously.
So they take a little sub over and Ford prowls around the depot. Turns out some of the kids are sleeping on top of nukes. Funny. The leader of the children is a generic-looking kid with some kind of rifle or crossbow or something. Maybe it's just a spear with a handle. They don't know where their parents are. Oh, Ford calls the weapons spears.
Lieutenant whatshername, Hitchcock, tries to woo the kids with promises of hot food and candy if they just come over to her van. Turns out a kid has an embolism he got while firing the torpedo at seaQuest and they're taking him to the ship. Cue all the kids, including the scrappy girl, but not the angsty leader hurrying along with the sick kid. The Depot shakes.
seaQuest, Lucas barges into the bridge and demands Bridger's attention. Lucas heard about the kids, but Bridger doesn't want him around right now. Bridger sends him to go talk to the kids. He is to remember, though, that he is still a part of this crew. What? Is he worried about Lucas going native with the Lost Boys? Or that he might rat out Hitchcock's plan to ply the kids with candy and take them back to her van.
Moon Pool. Westphalen explains the problem with the embolism to two kids who have been dressed in seaQuest sweats. They keep a stock of these in children's sizes? That's creepy. The younger kids are chased off and the older girl, Cleo, is pawned off on Lucas. Jonathan Brandis was really good at acting aroused. His hands were even in his pockets. Lucas looks for all the world like he's having some fun just standing there in front of everybody. Lucas takes Cleo on a tour. Not of his pants, yet.
Hitchcock does some sign language with a waifish girl...how many kids were there? Ben sort of hits on her over it and she blows him off. I thought they didn't like being married.
Depot. Ford is prowling around some tubes and talks to Bridger about how he hasn't found the older boy.
Bridge. Bridger sits down on the laps of the two little kids. He chases them out.
Lucas in a hallway with Cleo. Explains how his father just dumped him on seaQuest. He's angsting and Cleo tells him how a really rough life is. Cleo looks sort of familiar. I should check the credits. She goes off and sits down in a stairwell. Lucas follows and sits down behind her. Apparently there was an adult left on the depot for a while, but she died just after guilt-tripping Zack, the lost boy on the depot, and Cleo about their new lives as parentals. Lucas invites Cleo to do something fun.
Ford finds the tomb of the older woman, Nana, on the depot. Bridger chases two Lost Boys away from his navigation table. Crocker declares that they are slippery like a something Texas on a wet something else Texas Texas. It's still bugging me that seaQuest apparently carries a full wardrobe for children. The most we ever see on Lucas is a wet suit and a denim jacket with a ginormous seaQuest logo on it, and he lives there.
Lucas rushes into his room with Cleo. She likes his room and isn't interested in seeing his game. She likes that the room smells like Lucas. She also wants to know if Darwin always follows Lucas. The Darwin-Lucas relationship is a little creepy. Lucas technobabbles about the game and is he aroused by this girl or not? He's all over the map. She doesn't want to play a game, so he suggests an interactive movie. She says she wants music. Lucas has classical, country (I don't buy that for a kid like him) rock, etc. She asks for something soft. He puts it on and she's into it. Lucas, being a genius, realizes at this point that they did not have music at the depot.
Now he's walking up behind her and I don't know if he's being supportive or hormonal. Cleo sort of hug-dances him but doesn't get very close. That sort of approach could injure one or both of them. Darwin leaves them to it.
Depot. Ford is talking on his radio. He wants to get out of the place, but they heard something. He goes out and finds a room full of plastic balls. He gives this reaction line that makes it sound like he's four, then gets pulled under the balls. The red shirt spots the spear. Here's Zack! he chases Ford around a bit but doesn't use the spear except to shoot a pipe. The depot tilts and groans.
Ford tells Bridger he has a situation and at Zack's demand turns the radio off.
The gym on seaQuest. Hitchcock is working out the episode's T&A. Ben comes in and wants to explain that he slipped into old habits earlier. She is not impressed. A bad cgi mannequin is demonstrating how to use the gym's bowflex. Ben apologizes. Hitchcock watches the cgi. Hitchcock glurges about how trusting the little deaf girl is and wishes she had kids. This is such filler. They're trying to fill out characters with spare moments, but this is totally generic divorced people talk.
Bridge. Bridger explains the situation with Zack to Cleo. Zack does not want to talk despite the fact that the depot is collapsing. Cleo talks to Zack. Zack wants her back. She says it's not safe, but he says they're lying to her. Then he goes on about how he doesn't need anybody. Ford asks for a little time with Zack. He's jealous that Hitchcock lured the younger ones into her van with candy.
The Lost Boys are with Ben and she's showing them the shell game. They do not fall for it. Ben claims he's going to step it up. I wonder if they still find the ball. They do. Gosh, didn't see that coming.
Bridge. Hitchcock is on her hyper-reality probe checking out the trench. Bridger discovers that the sick kid is improving.
Moon pool. Boys playing the shell game. Crocker wants in on it. He's going to blow it. He does. Adults are useless. Crocker wants two of three. He blows his second. The boys palmed the ball. They toss it in the pool and Crocker starts ranting at them. He turns and reaches for the floating ball. They push him in the drink. I hate these two. They're generic filler kids.
Bridger comes in because he heard something in Westphalen's voice. She claims that the kids have to be kept together and good luck keeping all six together in a foster home. Bridger says it's out of his hands when he has 'em all rescued. Cleo overheard. I think I saw this plot on every Made for TV movie ever.
Cleo steals something sharp and goes to Lucas. She threatens Lucas with the knife, but she can't follow through. His hair is too big. Cleo says Zack has lost it because adults always abandon them. She thinks he's going to die so something has to be done. Cleo is sure Zack will listen, so Lucas opts to steal a launch and get her back over to talk to crazy Zack.
Zack and Ford discuss being afraid to die. Zack is hiding in one of those plastic playground castles.
Bridge. Lucas, according to the ensign on the phone, tricked him and ran off with a launch. Westphalen explains how kids need role models and Zack is captain of his crew. Bridger seems to get something. Zack's father was in the marines. Ok. Man, this is going to be an awful climax.
Zack sees Cleo...with Lucas. Lucas says hi. Ford wants to know what they're doing on the depot. Lucas looks down into the balls and asks Ford what he's doing there. Lucas falls into the balls with Ford and Zack aims a spear at him because...why?
Exterior shot. The cgi on this show is pretty good for external shots underwater. Murky hides the worst of it. Hitchcock explains she found the lost sub with their parents. The parents were trying to get back to the depot when they crashed.
Oh man, here it comes. Crocker walks in in dress uniform and does this whole drill sergeant deal. Bridger follows and orders Ford, et al out. He's alone with Crocker and Zack. He examines Zack's spear and then gives the standard obituary speech to Zack, who is suddenly moved by these adults who always lie to him. Bridger tells him it's time to go and he goes.
That sucked.
Epilogue, Cleo is with Darwin and Lucas in the moon pool. She wants to know if they'll be split up. Lucas promises Bridger will see to it this does not happen and Bridger is a Man of His Word. Lucas promises he and Cleo can see each other again and...I owned the flannel shirt Lucas has been wearing all episode. I think it came from K-Mart. They're about to kiss (Cleo and Lucas, not Lucas and the shirt) when they get paged to the bridge, where apparently a memorial is going on. They have a moment of silence and then fire torpedoes at the depot.
Bridger gives a speech and apparently the UEO gives out its highest civilian honor to the Lost Kids because they didn't die. Oh yeah, and Lucas is grounded because making money by misappropriating UEO assets was a-ok last episode. Using them without profit? That's grounding.
Man, this one is awful.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Late Night Poetry
I'm not very sympathetic to Milton. Satan says many things that appeal to a modern sensibility, but Milton put them in his mouth to tell us just how bad the sentiments were. But this is a great passage regardless:
Thus repulsed, our final hope
Is flat despair: we must exasperate
The Almighty Victor to spend all his rage,
And that must end us; that must be our cure,
To be no more: sad cure! for who would lose,
Though full of pain, this intellectual being,
Those thoughts that wander through eternity,
To perish rather, swallow'd up and lost
In the wide womb of uncreated night
Thus repulsed, our final hope
Is flat despair: we must exasperate
The Almighty Victor to spend all his rage,
And that must end us; that must be our cure,
To be no more: sad cure! for who would lose,
Though full of pain, this intellectual being,
Those thoughts that wander through eternity,
To perish rather, swallow'd up and lost
In the wide womb of uncreated night
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Insomnia Attacks
This is terrible. The sun is shining. The world is drenched in arctic frozen light. I've been to bed twice, but I'm still awake. I was fixed for a whole month almost too.
Yesterday morning was worse, weather-wise. Slick ice over everything. I decided to go out to McDonalds for some high culture dining before I turned in. I know it's a bad habit (worse, I tend to sweat out the grease) and I don't do it very often. But I went yesterday. The parking lot was an ice rink. You could have played hockey on it. I had to shuffle across inch by inch, knees locked and hoping I didn't do the splits and crack my head open, knock out my teeth, or damage other precious parts of my body. I'm serious about the splits too. A few years ago I barely managed to stay on me feet and in the act I almost hurt myself in a completely different way.
That story would have gone around the ER for a few years. I think I'm legendary enough around this town as the pale freak that lives out in the woods and never comes out during the day. Yeah, that's me. Vampire Roamer. Out every night, asleep every day. I stalk the sidewalks in layers with an iPod in my ears. I guess I have to be up to no good.
Yesterday morning was worse, weather-wise. Slick ice over everything. I decided to go out to McDonalds for some high culture dining before I turned in. I know it's a bad habit (worse, I tend to sweat out the grease) and I don't do it very often. But I went yesterday. The parking lot was an ice rink. You could have played hockey on it. I had to shuffle across inch by inch, knees locked and hoping I didn't do the splits and crack my head open, knock out my teeth, or damage other precious parts of my body. I'm serious about the splits too. A few years ago I barely managed to stay on me feet and in the act I almost hurt myself in a completely different way.
That story would have gone around the ER for a few years. I think I'm legendary enough around this town as the pale freak that lives out in the woods and never comes out during the day. Yeah, that's me. Vampire Roamer. Out every night, asleep every day. I stalk the sidewalks in layers with an iPod in my ears. I guess I have to be up to no good.
Friday, February 15, 2008
So much for plans
I was going to watch at least another episode of seaQuest for review tonight, but didn't quite make it and now it's a little late. I got into a book instead. Those things will ruin you for TV. I wonder if there are any concerned parents trying to make sure kids don't read too much and watch enough.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Thoughts on Lost, Season Four
I missed the episode tonight, but shall buy it from iTunes and watch in the next couple of days.
The use of flashbacks on Lost was always going to hit the breaks eventually. You can only tell us the same thing so many times or add so many twists to someone's background before you lose all credibility and just end up wasting air. Some of the characters have very simple concepts that work best with a few straightforward flashbacks. Jack is not really a complicated character. He's a jock surgeon with a god complex. We knew all of this by the time his second flashback was over. Hurley is a loser that won the lottery and is still a loser. You can't gild these too much.
I think by the end of season two, flashbacks for the main cast had completely run their course. Some of them were pushing it well before this, but the story potential of the device was done. It was very effective with Juliet, but she's a new character. It was amazing with Ben, but again he's a new character. But it's a signature of the show and the writers seem to see it as a part of their branding, so we have to have something to replace them. Enter flash-forwards.
This was fine as a one-off, but I don't know that the show can stand two years of having them in every episode. We didn't learn anything in Hurley's flash-forward that we didn't know from Jack's flash-forward last year. Yes, there's some guy who appears to be affiliated with Dharma, Hanso, or somebody sinister. I'm not going to call that anything substantial until they decide whether or not to develop it, though. I'm realistic about Lost. They're not writing to a metaplot; it's being made up as they go. That's rough for me since I don't really care all that much about island romances. I want to know more about the magic island. But it is what it is and one guy complaining on his blog isn't going to get the producers and writers serious about answering persistent questions. That's a shame too. I still want to know where everyone changes on this little minisubs on seaQuest, which I need to get back to watching.
I think my preference relates to my general attitude about mysteries. I don't like mystery for the sake of mystery. I like mystery which is unfolded, explored, and solved. Mystery is a place to start asking questions, not to stop and coo about how neat it is. I have gotten the impression over the years that a considerable number of people aren't like this. I don't get why.
The use of flashbacks on Lost was always going to hit the breaks eventually. You can only tell us the same thing so many times or add so many twists to someone's background before you lose all credibility and just end up wasting air. Some of the characters have very simple concepts that work best with a few straightforward flashbacks. Jack is not really a complicated character. He's a jock surgeon with a god complex. We knew all of this by the time his second flashback was over. Hurley is a loser that won the lottery and is still a loser. You can't gild these too much.
I think by the end of season two, flashbacks for the main cast had completely run their course. Some of them were pushing it well before this, but the story potential of the device was done. It was very effective with Juliet, but she's a new character. It was amazing with Ben, but again he's a new character. But it's a signature of the show and the writers seem to see it as a part of their branding, so we have to have something to replace them. Enter flash-forwards.
This was fine as a one-off, but I don't know that the show can stand two years of having them in every episode. We didn't learn anything in Hurley's flash-forward that we didn't know from Jack's flash-forward last year. Yes, there's some guy who appears to be affiliated with Dharma, Hanso, or somebody sinister. I'm not going to call that anything substantial until they decide whether or not to develop it, though. I'm realistic about Lost. They're not writing to a metaplot; it's being made up as they go. That's rough for me since I don't really care all that much about island romances. I want to know more about the magic island. But it is what it is and one guy complaining on his blog isn't going to get the producers and writers serious about answering persistent questions. That's a shame too. I still want to know where everyone changes on this little minisubs on seaQuest, which I need to get back to watching.
I think my preference relates to my general attitude about mysteries. I don't like mystery for the sake of mystery. I like mystery which is unfolded, explored, and solved. Mystery is a place to start asking questions, not to stop and coo about how neat it is. I have gotten the impression over the years that a considerable number of people aren't like this. I don't get why.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
More seaQuest again, also Books!
Not really. I need to watch more of it. I've been killing a lot of time with City of Heroes in the late night, and trying to read two (The God Delusion, Haunted) and a half (The Making of Modern Japan) books at once isn't helping.
I really don't know how I got to doing that, except that 30% off coupons were involved. The book on Japan is great, but it's really losing the fight. Lately so is Haunted. Palahniuk treads a fine line between splatter with a point and splatter for splatter. I think it works as an anthology, but he's using the short stories inside a frame that doesn't do much for me. It's sort of like a locked room mystery without the mystery. I really like each short story, and he flirts with magical realism in interesting ways, but when we cut back to the writers he drops the ball. He developed his technique a lot between this and Rant.
I really don't know how I got to doing that, except that 30% off coupons were involved. The book on Japan is great, but it's really losing the fight. Lately so is Haunted. Palahniuk treads a fine line between splatter with a point and splatter for splatter. I think it works as an anthology, but he's using the short stories inside a frame that doesn't do much for me. It's sort of like a locked room mystery without the mystery. I really like each short story, and he flirts with magical realism in interesting ways, but when we cut back to the writers he drops the ball. He developed his technique a lot between this and Rant.
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