I pick up the phone and...

...it's Kim. On her cellphone. I hate those things, by the way. People are always yelling into them in public, using them while driving, and they're always full of static. I just don't like the idea of always being in contact, or potentially in contact, either. Yeah, you can turn off the phone but I've been to enough theaters to know that doesn't happen.

She's on the way over to talk about that documentary. It's an hour before sunset. Kim's good at timing that, late enough to wake me up but early enough to claim it's a mistake and really there's no difference. Ok. I'm completely out of patience.

I mentioned my door policy before. Kim's coming over (She just announced this, no asking.) to irritate me probably for a year or two. She did wake me up. Close enough, and Kim has complained before about "indecent dress". Usually I'm so over-dressed that she probably thinks I agree with her.

I do layers, mostly so it's easy to shed a few if I get too hot or pile a couple on if I have to go out. The insulation in the house isn't great, so it can get a bit nippy this time of year. It's an old house
built back in the 40s, so the insulation isn't great and the heat vents come out along the central line of the house instead of around the perimeter. Along the outside it gets pretty chilly. Big rooms too. The original owner built most of it himself, which I think is pretty cool. The family told us he lived next door with his father and worked on the house with his brothers when they finished work every day. Nice story. His sister lived next door until she kicked off about ten years ago. She got kind of bad towards the end and started coming over asking for him sometimes.

Anyway, I dress warm inside too.

So last year I started using UnderArmour for my bottom layer. It's light and pretty comfortable. I wouldn't use it for anything but underwear, but it does the job. It doubles as pajamas, which I don't know why I wear since I live alone. I guess it's a habit. Since I don't talk about this stuff -even now it's kind of weird- Kim has no idea. Kim's school doesn't even let boys wear short sleeves. Girls have to wear skirts, though.

I was nice. I changed into fresh clothes, even a shirt with long sleeves. I went to the door and unlocked it for Kim, then got away from it because I didn't want to ruin the surprise. She got here about ten minutes later. She knocked and I told her it was open. She comes into the porch and there I am standing in the living room. Kim rolls her eyes.

"Did I wake you up?" she makes it sound like she's never done that and I blame her for it totally without reason.

"Oh, no I was about to get up anyway." I'm all smiles. I didn't even feel embarrassed, which is a first. I mean, they paint this stuff on. I'm one step away from naked. Maybe it'll kick in later.

"Do you want to finish getting dressed?"

"All done; I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok, [Wanderer], you made your point."

"What point? Do you want some breakfast?" Kim's not looking at me. This is really getting to her. By the way, the living room is pretty light on the colors. It's a big blob of almost-white space and I've got the lights on. I usually do; sunlight and I don't get along and I could maybe take an overcast day for a while, but why ruin my fun? This is all paraphrased, by the way.

"You're seriously wearing that?"

"Yeah. It's really comfortable." That's true, actually. Maybe I missed out on the men in tights stigma by being homeschooled.

"But that's not clothes; that's underwear." Kim has her teacher voice out in full force. Sometimes she tells people to do things by thanking them for doing them. This works on kids, I guess.

"No, it's real clothing. Want to see their website?"

"That's ok. Don't you want to put something else on?"

"Nope. I'm good. You wanted to talk about 1968." I laid down on the futon, propping myself up on a couple of pillows. I read that way a lot.

"Could you please put some clothes on?" Kim's really pissed now.

"I could."

"Would you?"

"Why?"

"You're not dressed, [Wanderer]."

"Are my shins making you uncomfortable?" I own a pair of full-length tights (I guess they count as tights? Now I don't know what I think about that.) but they needed washing.

"I didn't come over here to have you make fun of me. I really want to talk with you about that show."

"Kim, I am not making fun of you. This is really what I've been wearing around the house lately. If I get cold, it's very easy for me to throw another layer on. It's comfortable and practical. If you don't believe me, turn on the Olympics sometime."

"Eventually you're going to think differently about these things." This is a threat. Kim thinks everyone's conversion is inevitable, but you might be roasting in Hell before it happens. I'm sure the best thing anyone has to think about in Hell is their fashion choices. Oh Lord, I repent my shin-flashing ways!

Normally at this point I start getting annoyed, but the way she couldn't look at me was really great. You'd think I had snakes in my hair, if I had hair. Anyway, I shrugged.

"I just don't think people should dress like that." Kim's into this fake conciliatory tone now. She thinks I'm going to make some kind of concession. "It's not appropriate."

"Isn't that between me and God?" I actually have read a lot of the Bible, and I've got a great memory. I just don't believe in it. My parents thought it was important that I have a strong background with texts that show up a lot in allusions and are historically and culturally important. There's a copy of the Ramayana somewhere around the house too.

"It will be."

"No, I mean like David in his ephod in front of the Temple. I can be more undignified than this?"

Kim did a double-take. She always forgets that I actually have read the Bible. I think it messes with her head. Apparently non-believers are not allowed, unless they do so with the intention of converting.

"That's not what it really means. This is really bothering me. Please, put some clothes on." Kim still hadn't mastered asking.

"So I was thinking the movie started off evenhanded, but really turned one-sided towards the end."

"[Wanderer], if you're going to be like this then I don't want to talk about it."

"Sorry."

She left. I think I won that one. That almost never happens.