Brothers and Sisters

Originally Aired: October 17, 1993

Going to do this one half as I watch.

Teaser: very bad bit actors reading off a script for a distress call that cuts out right after the woman gives an "Oh my god, the children!" line and then the man drly states, "We're going down." Seriously, it's like he's ordering fries.

Ward Room. They try to explain to us how there's this old munitions depot. Turns out some people were there decommissioning old weapons. This is for real. They still dig up a few hundred pounds of shells left over from WWII every year in Europe. I can buy that scenario. But apparently it's been like three years and no one checked in. I guess the distress call didn't bother anybody. Then Westphalen is failing with all her might to convince us that it's not safe to go visit the depot to blow it up from inside. Her explanation makes no sense at all.

They break up when Ortiz complains that they're being targeted. Turns out its a dud. The send out the hyper-reality probe, which spots some kids in the windows. Guess we can't blow that place up from afar after all? Or if we do nobody can ever rat us out, since Bridger morality from previous episodes is that you're either supposed to incriminate yourself whenever you discover someone doing something shady or keep your damned mouth shut.

This episode sucks. Seriously.

So they take a little sub over and Ford prowls around the depot. Turns out some of the kids are sleeping on top of nukes. Funny. The leader of the children is a generic-looking kid with some kind of rifle or crossbow or something. Maybe it's just a spear with a handle. They don't know where their parents are. Oh, Ford calls the weapons spears.

Lieutenant whatshername, Hitchcock, tries to woo the kids with promises of hot food and candy if they just come over to her van. Turns out a kid has an embolism he got while firing the torpedo at seaQuest and they're taking him to the ship. Cue all the kids, including the scrappy girl, but not the angsty leader hurrying along with the sick kid. The Depot shakes.

seaQuest, Lucas barges into the bridge and demands Bridger's attention. Lucas heard about the kids, but Bridger doesn't want him around right now. Bridger sends him to go talk to the kids. He is to remember, though, that he is still a part of this crew. What? Is he worried about Lucas going native with the Lost Boys? Or that he might rat out Hitchcock's plan to ply the kids with candy and take them back to her van.

Moon Pool. Westphalen explains the problem with the embolism to two kids who have been dressed in seaQuest sweats. They keep a stock of these in children's sizes? That's creepy. The younger kids are chased off and the older girl, Cleo, is pawned off on Lucas. Jonathan Brandis was really good at acting aroused. His hands were even in his pockets. Lucas looks for all the world like he's having some fun just standing there in front of everybody. Lucas takes Cleo on a tour. Not of his pants, yet.

Hitchcock does some sign language with a waifish girl...how many kids were there? Ben sort of hits on her over it and she blows him off. I thought they didn't like being married.

Depot. Ford is prowling around some tubes and talks to Bridger about how he hasn't found the older boy.

Bridge. Bridger sits down on the laps of the two little kids. He chases them out.

Lucas in a hallway with Cleo. Explains how his father just dumped him on seaQuest. He's angsting and Cleo tells him how a really rough life is. Cleo looks sort of familiar. I should check the credits. She goes off and sits down in a stairwell. Lucas follows and sits down behind her. Apparently there was an adult left on the depot for a while, but she died just after guilt-tripping Zack, the lost boy on the depot, and Cleo about their new lives as parentals. Lucas invites Cleo to do something fun.

Ford finds the tomb of the older woman, Nana, on the depot. Bridger chases two Lost Boys away from his navigation table. Crocker declares that they are slippery like a something Texas on a wet something else Texas Texas. It's still bugging me that seaQuest apparently carries a full wardrobe for children. The most we ever see on Lucas is a wet suit and a denim jacket with a ginormous seaQuest logo on it, and he lives there.

Lucas rushes into his room with Cleo. She likes his room and isn't interested in seeing his game. She likes that the room smells like Lucas. She also wants to know if Darwin always follows Lucas. The Darwin-Lucas relationship is a little creepy. Lucas technobabbles about the game and is he aroused by this girl or not? He's all over the map. She doesn't want to play a game, so he suggests an interactive movie. She says she wants music. Lucas has classical, country (I don't buy that for a kid like him) rock, etc. She asks for something soft. He puts it on and she's into it. Lucas, being a genius, realizes at this point that they did not have music at the depot.

Now he's walking up behind her and I don't know if he's being supportive or hormonal. Cleo sort of hug-dances him but doesn't get very close. That sort of approach could injure one or both of them. Darwin leaves them to it.

Depot. Ford is talking on his radio. He wants to get out of the place, but they heard something. He goes out and finds a room full of plastic balls. He gives this reaction line that makes it sound like he's four, then gets pulled under the balls. The red shirt spots the spear. Here's Zack! he chases Ford around a bit but doesn't use the spear except to shoot a pipe. The depot tilts and groans.

Ford tells Bridger he has a situation and at Zack's demand turns the radio off.

The gym on seaQuest. Hitchcock is working out the episode's T&A. Ben comes in and wants to explain that he slipped into old habits earlier. She is not impressed. A bad cgi mannequin is demonstrating how to use the gym's bowflex. Ben apologizes. Hitchcock watches the cgi. Hitchcock glurges about how trusting the little deaf girl is and wishes she had kids. This is such filler. They're trying to fill out characters with spare moments, but this is totally generic divorced people talk.

Bridge. Bridger explains the situation with Zack to Cleo. Zack does not want to talk despite the fact that the depot is collapsing. Cleo talks to Zack. Zack wants her back. She says it's not safe, but he says they're lying to her. Then he goes on about how he doesn't need anybody. Ford asks for a little time with Zack. He's jealous that Hitchcock lured the younger ones into her van with candy.

The Lost Boys are with Ben and she's showing them the shell game. They do not fall for it. Ben claims he's going to step it up. I wonder if they still find the ball. They do. Gosh, didn't see that coming.

Bridge. Hitchcock is on her hyper-reality probe checking out the trench. Bridger discovers that the sick kid is improving.

Moon pool. Boys playing the shell game. Crocker wants in on it. He's going to blow it. He does. Adults are useless. Crocker wants two of three. He blows his second. The boys palmed the ball. They toss it in the pool and Crocker starts ranting at them. He turns and reaches for the floating ball. They push him in the drink. I hate these two. They're generic filler kids.

Bridger comes in because he heard something in Westphalen's voice. She claims that the kids have to be kept together and good luck keeping all six together in a foster home. Bridger says it's out of his hands when he has 'em all rescued. Cleo overheard. I think I saw this plot on every Made for TV movie ever.

Cleo steals something sharp and goes to Lucas. She threatens Lucas with the knife, but she can't follow through. His hair is too big. Cleo says Zack has lost it because adults always abandon them. She thinks he's going to die so something has to be done. Cleo is sure Zack will listen, so Lucas opts to steal a launch and get her back over to talk to crazy Zack.

Zack and Ford discuss being afraid to die. Zack is hiding in one of those plastic playground castles.

Bridge. Lucas, according to the ensign on the phone, tricked him and ran off with a launch. Westphalen explains how kids need role models and Zack is captain of his crew. Bridger seems to get something. Zack's father was in the marines. Ok. Man, this is going to be an awful climax.

Zack sees Cleo...with Lucas. Lucas says hi. Ford wants to know what they're doing on the depot. Lucas looks down into the balls and asks Ford what he's doing there. Lucas falls into the balls with Ford and Zack aims a spear at him because...why?

Exterior shot. The cgi on this show is pretty good for external shots underwater. Murky hides the worst of it. Hitchcock explains she found the lost sub with their parents. The parents were trying to get back to the depot when they crashed.

Oh man, here it comes. Crocker walks in in dress uniform and does this whole drill sergeant deal. Bridger follows and orders Ford, et al out. He's alone with Crocker and Zack. He examines Zack's spear and then gives the standard obituary speech to Zack, who is suddenly moved by these adults who always lie to him. Bridger tells him it's time to go and he goes.

That sucked.

Epilogue, Cleo is with Darwin and Lucas in the moon pool. She wants to know if they'll be split up. Lucas promises Bridger will see to it this does not happen and Bridger is a Man of His Word. Lucas promises he and Cleo can see each other again and...I owned the flannel shirt Lucas has been wearing all episode. I think it came from K-Mart. They're about to kiss (Cleo and Lucas, not Lucas and the shirt) when they get paged to the bridge, where apparently a memorial is going on. They have a moment of silence and then fire torpedoes at the depot.

Bridger gives a speech and apparently the UEO gives out its highest civilian honor to the Lost Kids because they didn't die. Oh yeah, and Lucas is grounded because making money by misappropriating UEO assets was a-ok last episode. Using them without profit? That's grounding.

Man, this one is awful.