seaQuest: Whale Song

I feel chatty tonight, so let's try a recap post. I'm doing this cold. First time I'm watching this episode since the 90s.

Originally aired: February 6, 1994

In the teaser we have the rotted carcass of a whale up on a beach. Only the bones are bleached, yet it looks like they tried to make it look like the bones still had traces of meat on them. That's one confused prop department. Cut to stock footage of a ship, which might actually be a whaler, reeling something in that might actually be a harpoon. Something that may be a wounded whale reels in the water.

Some people on a sub, one of whom is the child of Dom Deluise. I think it's Peter, but I'm not up on my Brothers Deluise except for that Daddy's contracts must stipulate they have to appear in any show he guests in eventually because I don't think I've seen one of them that could act. But I find Daddy Dom annoying too. Maybe I'm a bad judge of these things. Peter will be back next season as a regular. He has a mullet this time.

The guys on the sub discuss how the ship they're watching is a Scandinavian Whaler and it has a catch. So they need to tell their boss, who is brooding alone in his cabin. Also none of them sleep anymore. The boss angsts about how they could turn this ship in, but nobody cares. Because this is seaQuest and the environmentalists are always the villains. Peter Deluise suggests that he's willing to do whatever it takes and the boss wants him to only say that if he really means it. So Peter pinky swears on his mullet and stubble that he really really for gosh, cross-his-heart-and-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye, means it. Boss tells him to get some sleep, which is kind of assy since they just said no one on the boat sleeps.

More stock footage of the whaler and yeah, it's a real whaler. The sub watches it doing its work and then torpedoes it. We get a good shot of the periscope and a cgi explosion erupts amidships on the whaler. We cut back to the sub before anybody is supposed to notice that there's no smoke and very little fire or foam or anything. Boss says to the boys that they have crossed over. Now they can start their career doing cold reading on the SciFi channel. Solemn looks on the sub.

Credits.

By the way, I caught an episode of Seven Days last night. I think Don Franklin just really is barrel-chested. He's got the same look about him there as he does when he wears his UEO khakis.

Krieg esposits to us about having a perfect orange. It's so perfect. It's so perfect. It's great. It's an orange. He says it's not a real orange. It's a synthetically perfect, engineered fruit. It's no good. He wants one that's bruised or has half a worm in it. Krieg grew up in the old days, back when you could get food poisoning in the military and the crusty surgeon would just kick you in the head a few times until you puked and saw stars. Krieg is complaining to O'Neil, Ortiz, and Ford.

O'Neil tells us it's just breakfast and Krieg should eat his damned eggs already. Ah, but they're not eggs. O'Neil points out that they don't have cholesterol or fat. Krieg rises and starts ranting about how the ship never needs to resupply. All its food is grown in a lab. Who knows what's in it? Uh, I think as the guy who handles all the supplies Krieg should have a good idea. Who knows what this stuff is doing to us?

Ford says he likes it. Of course Ford would. Ford is a mass-produced, genetically engineered stock character. Krieg points out that he doesn't have any breakfast, but Ford just got off watch. he came into the mess, looked at everyone's food, sat down, and let Krieg rant for a while about food. Clearly the man isn't hungry. Krieg is told that it's just food, but he holds up the meat patty and says it's not real meat.

O'Neil, and I like Ted Raimi but he's really annoying in this scene, expositions to us that raising cows was outlawed because of their methane farts damaging the ozone layer. I think some of the writers just really hated environmentalists. Every one of them on the show is a nutball, a psycho, or both. I mean, let's leave aside whether or not bovine feces are an ozone depleter. This is a real theme of the show. We never meet a good environmentalist except for Bridger and we never get to see him being one. He just says he agrees with the aims, but not the methods, of the crazies. The idea seems to be that the real environmentalists are those who fight other environmentalists, who are actually nuts and want to destroy humanity for the sake of a tape worm and salmonella.

Noyce is talking about weather patterns in the North Sea. It can be rough, but three ships in a month or so? And all the ships are whalers? He's on the phone with Bridger. Bridger wants to know why he gets to do this job. Whaling has been illegal since 2000 in seaQuest. Noyce says that so is smoking cigars in restaurants but people still do it. And you know what kind of people? Evil people. They want to steal your teeth and sell them to motivational speakers that honeymoon as voodoo priests. Also they get together once a year in a big convention and make toasts to "Pure evil!" and kicking puppies.

Noyce is talking about how they have trade agreements with these whaling nations. I guess this isn't the UEO anymore, it's just the US Navy. Why would the UEO, a transnational organization, have trade relationships with nations? Anyway, Noyce tells Bridger that he'd better bring a coat and a launch will be waiting for him. But this is a captain's dilemma episode. Are they writing out Bridger or the rest of the cast?

Krieg is on the phone with somebody. The guy on the phone tells him that he will not supply any red meat, real eggs, or alcohol. Besides, Krieg still owes him for the interactive video headsets. That might actually be a reference to a previous episode. Those were stolen, Krieg claims. But the guy on the phone knows that he traded them for a still. I know nothing about brewing, but I could make a still. It's not that complicated. Why did Krieg have to trade apparently expensive video helmets for some buckets and metal tubing? Is he just that dumb?

Phone guy tells Krieg that you can't brew beer from engineered barley. They bred the buzz out of it. Another theme of the show: scientists are always ruining our fun. Krieg claims that two pounds of ground beef is a medical emergency and gets hung up on.

Stock footage of the Pentagon cuts to Bridger in his khakis striding badassedly through a trapezoidal hallway. Two uniformed guys open the doors for him. Bridger walks into the office beyond, all spit and polished. He salutes crisply and a balding, gray-haired general sort grabs the descending hand, pats it, and looks meaningfully into Nathan's eyes as he smiles. They're just going to go up to this place in the Appalachians and watch the herd for a few weeks. Just the two of them.

Grabby General says he wants to keep it informal since they're old friends. Nathan doesn't think so. Bridger gets introduced to two other old military guys and Grabby tries to ply him with liquor. They're off-duty and all that. The two other generals are cutting into a very red piece of meat and suggest Nathan try it. Bridger objects and Grabby sighs about him following the rules. Grabby wants to be called Frank. Then the guys talk to Nathan about seaQuest and science. They ask him if he misses war, but Bridger does not. He wants to know why he's there.

Oh, we lost some whalers. Bridger points out that they were breaking UEO law. Grabby doesn't care if they were floating whorehouses. It's an outright act of aggression. And you know, Grabby has a small point here. These ships were sunk, presumably with loss of life. The fact that they were breaking the law doesn't change the fact that this is murder and piracy on the high seas. Bridger has had a stiffer back about this kind of thing before, albeit with the bad guy stealing his toy boat maybe other variables were in play. Are we meant to believe that Bridger is ok with murdering whalers? That doesn't seem consistent with past characterization. Then again Bridger did punish Lucas for not breaking the rules.

The generals give Bridger the order to hunt down and kill the sub. Bridger tries to bow out, but Grabby says he's got the right boat. Bridger does not catch on that it's being implied he will be removed from the ship if he refuses this mission. Grabby chases off his cronies, gets himself a drink, and repeats the orders.

Nathan protests that the seaQuest is armed with nuclear weapons for search and rescue purposes. Earlier it was science. What will it be next? Next on seaQuest: the waltz competition! Grabby tells Bridger that he will end the careers of everybody on the boat if Bridger refuses. He has twenty-four hours to decide. Bridger gives him the fuck off salute and leaves.

This is an interesting piece of setting. Apparently the military personnel aren't really UEO people. They're Navy people on loan to the UEO. So the US can still blackmail them like this.

A launch returns to the ship like in the credits. Docking bay. Ford welcomes Bridger back. Bridger asks where Lucas is. He needs Lucas badly. He's been in withdrawals. Sorry, that's where my brain went. It gets worse.

Ford says Lucas is sleeping, he thinks. Bridger demands he be roused. I can see the scene now. Lucas is masturbating with Darwin looking on. Darwin says something and Lucas loses his train of thought. He gets up, pants down, and cusses out Darwin. He whines that he can't do it with Darwin watching and then Crocker throws the door open.

"God damn, Lucas, again?!"

Ford and Crocker share meaningful looks.

Bridger's room. He's stroking a model of the seaQuest. There's a knock and it's Lucas. He's wearing his rainbow bath robe and a yellow t-shirt, but he only has one lock of hair out of place. No pillow creases. He doesn't look sleepy at all. He tells Bridger he was having this "dream" about driving these girls to the beach on a motorcycle. Nathan hopes Lucas was wearing his "helmet". Lucas says he just had his underwear on. Bridger promises to let him get back to his "dream" as soon as possible. The boy wasn't asleep.

Lucas has a seat and we cut to a wide enough angle to see his legs. He's wearing some kind of sleep pants or something. Dark green. Nice color, really. I have a hoodie about that shade. Bridger opens up all the great work Lucas has done and Lucas says but there's still more to do. For an unwilling captive on the boat he sure is happy to be there. Bridger says that this has been a great experience to help him decide what to do with his life.

Lucas, absolutely beaming and wide awake, says that this is what he wants to do. Does he mean the military? Science? Just living on the boat? Well maybe he does, maybe not, Bridger floats. Lucas asks if he's being fired. No. But he's being thrown off the boat. Lucas is struck. Brandis managed a little blush there, or maybe it's the makeup. Hard to tell.

Did he do something wrong? Just tell him and he can change! I think we have to accept that Lucas's character arc this season is complete. The ship is his home now. Bridger says it's not Lucas, it's him. He just can't go on cavorting with a teenager like it was legal. People are going to talk, despite the fact that Lucas has continually played hard to get and Nathan can't get past first base. If I were Lucas I don't think a leather-faced old man would do it for me either. Does that mean I'm gay? Does the gay panic defense work if you beat the crap out of yourself, don't actually have a problem with gay people, and aren't actually afraid at any point?

Bridger says he's resigning. Ford will be in charge for the interim and after that, Lucas might not want to be there. Lucas asks what happened at the Pentagon. Bridger tells Lucas the plot. Bridger can't take sides on the issue of executing people vs. whales, since both are illegal I guess. Lucas says that the means might justify the ends and I'm not sure if he's defending the hunt and kill order, or the pirates. Bridger isn't sure what he's going to do and for now he's doing nothing. He's quitting. But Nathan wanted Lucas to hear it from him. Lucas blows him off and storms out, slamming the door. It makes a very wooden sound, just like a metal hatch.

Bridge. Nathan has his resignation letter in Ford's hands and like every other TV person that ever lived, he cannot accept a resignation order. Nathan tells him that his last order is to send it up the chain immediately. He wants to be ashore at first light. He says the boat is no longer his home and they shake hands. Ford calls him Nathan. Crocker is astonished and doesn't want to shake hands. He's holding out for a grope he doesn't get. Bridger walks out. I bet that letter never gets sent.

Moon Pool. Bridger is back in his clothes from the pilot and explaining to Darwin that they will be leaving. Westphalen shows up. She's not in uniform either. She has a tank top, a shirt over it hanging open, and blue slacks. When prompted, she says she doesn't know if she would resign but for Nathan it's the right thing. He thanks her. They start to hug and end up kissing.

Dramatic music plays as another whaler gets in the sites. If we need to be reminded that they're pirates now, Peter Deluise is wearing a white shirt with black horizontal stripes. The sub fires on the whaler. A cgi torpedo misses the whaler, goes right beyond it, and blows up a much bigger ship. It looks like a huge ferry or a cruise ship. The ship is real, but the explosion is CGI. I refuse to believe they could not see that ship behind the other ship when it clearly had to be close and is much larger than the whaler. This is a contrived crisis.

The pirates tell us it's a cruise ship. And the pirate boss gapes.

Nathan is walking along the beach as sad music plays. He's back on his island and listening to a radio report. This is the fourth terrorist attack, and the first time a luxury liner was targeted. How long has he been on the island? Bridger shakes his head and sighs at the news. Then it cuts to telling us that Clinton celebrated his birthday at his home in Arkansas. Darwin jumps in the ocean and Bridger spots him and shakes his head.

Close up of a hand lighting a candle with a match and blowing the match out. It's pirate captain. He closes his eyes and bows his head in front of a collection of lit candles. He walks out and sees the others. One asks what they will do now. Captain Pirate doesn't understand the question. Peter tells us that this is way beyond activism. No, they're just a news blip. Someone will win the lottery or whatever and everyone will forget. Captain Pirate maintains that you're either a soldier or a victim. The others suggest that no, now they are as bad as the bad guys are. It's wrong.

Pirate Captain makes the point that a suitcase bomb and one delivered by jet aren't all that morally different. Ok. Peter Deluise says they're going to leave their captain. And do what? Surrender. They're victims, not soldiers. Whale song plays on the soundtrack.

Bridger is at some kind of palatial resort with a reflecting pool. Same clothes still. It's the home of Nathan's connection, Malcolm. He's from an older episode that I can't be bothered to look up right now because this one is fairly decent even if the plot is completely stupid. Nathan wants to know who is sinking the ships. Malcolm says he's not in that game. Bridger for the first time articulates a sensible point when he says that if he has to pick between people and whales, people win. So...why did he resign again? Nathan says Malcolm knows who did it. He says so did Nathan.

News footage on the screen. A Maximillian Scully was lost at sea. The newsman says maybe it was an assassination. Stock footage of a Greenpeace boat. Malcolm expositions that Scully was blown up by his own bomb and his face is all burned up...which means he has cosmetic scars. He came to Malcolm to borrow money for an old Russian sub that three men could man. Malcolm didn't raise the alarm because he had no idea a guy that liked to blow up whalers would start blowing up whalers again if given a sub that could blow up whalers. Malcolm talks about how people like them like to disappear sometimes. Nathan, Malcolm, the Regulator, and Scully.

The ship. Krieg is hustling along with a bundle. He calls for Lucas as he enters his room. For reasons I prefer not to speculate upon, Lucas's robe is neatly folded up and resting on a stack of boxes. In Ben's room. Turns out Lucas is hiding in the vent. Why? He's a stowaway now. He's dressed in a navy blue turtleneck and a white jersey, which is a pretty good combination. He has to stow away on the ship while Ford is still in charge? Ford would kick him out? Why?

Ben has food, but Lucas isn't hungry. Ben says that Lucas can't sneak around the boat because apparently Ben was supposed to take Lucas to the surface and drop him off. But Lucas says Bridger isn't coming back and he doesn't care. Now when did Lucas develop this powerful attachment to the boat sans Bridger? We've never seen him really be friendly with the guys he's supposed to be friends with.

Ben tells Lucas Nathan did what he thought was right. Nothing. Ben maintains that if Lucas is discovered he's in big trouble. Not a problem, Lucas will say he blackmailed Ben. Something about smuggling beef on board. Ben unwraps the beef, a frozen solid hunk of plastic that the camera is careful not to get close to. Lucas asks how it's coming. Not good. It's been frozen at absolute zero since it was outlawed. So for at least several years this meat has been frozen...and they want to eat it?

Lucas suggests a microwave. If anybody smells it, everyone will want a piece. But it's dead cow! And you haven't lived until you've had it cooked over an open grill with melted cheese and mustard and relish like his father used to make him. This is making things worse. Ben remembers beef from his childhood and Lucas has never had it. So it's probably been frozen for going on twenty years.

Ford calls all off-duty officers and Ben tells him hands off the beef. Lucas says that's no problem. By the way, they all went to the docking bay because Bridger is back. Ford never sent the letter. This is stock dialog for a stock scene for a stock plot. The writers are giving us some good character moments, but they're really phoning in the rest.

We cut to someplace with men cheering as two men in different colors of spandex fight each other. The camera pans to a fat man playing with a pair of joysticks. He's playing Scully. The men in spandex are real actors fighting, but they go all hologram and disappear after the green guy beats the beige guy. That's a very clever way to portray realistic holograms. If only they thought of it for the pilot. Or watched an episode of Star Trek with the holodeck gone awry. I know this is meant to be near future, but if you can get photorealistic, dynamic, 3D holograms like that then there's no excuse for having the Professor in a curtain of mist.

Scully wants to play again. Fat guy says he's played it to death and he's owed a beer anyway. So they get one at the bar. Scully is feeling him out for a job on a whaler. Fat guy is suspicious. They go back and forth about how the pay is good but the Sea Commission will lock you up for life for...whaling? That seems a bit extreme. I could see maybe a minimum security prison term, but life? Anyway Fat Guy decides to hook Scully up. Scully has much better scars in this scene.

Back on the boat, Lucas sneaks into the Moon Pool and turns on the vocorder. He calls Darwin. They start to have a talk and Bridger walks in on them. Apparently he ordered Lucas off the boat. That's not how I interpreted the conversation, but ok. Lucas stammers that they went ashore but Lucas told Krieg he was going to get a tattoo and join the Italian Navy and they would make him wear a speedo and get his entire body shaved except for his head. They'd make him oil up before every shift on duty and as the youngest and prettiest guy on the boat... At this point Bridger gives up.

Lucas explains that the ship is his home. Bridger says he came back because he missed Lucas. Lucas missed him too and does a good job of looking choked up before they hug.

Cut to Krieg's, where he's putting the meat on a grill. He's singing to himself and wearing a Florida State sweatshirt and a backwards baseball cap. Right next to the meat, on top of the grill, is a stainless steel bedpan. I'm not kidding about that. Ben has his hand on it. He throws a few paper packets into it. Then he goes and pulls out a signed bat he starts slicing on with a knife. For fuel, I guess.

Scully is alone in his sub, tracking the whaler he found out about.

Extreme close up of Krieg's burger. All that meat, and there had to be five or six pounds of it, for a single burger? He's fondling it when the alert sounds. It sounds nothing like the normal klaxon, so for a second I thought he set off a fire alarm. But it's just your usual battle stations thing which results in a large band of people marching into the bridge with Westphalen, still out of uniform, at the head.

Bridger tells the crew the stats of the Russian sub. What happened to all these extras? They just walk into the bridge and vanish. Does Weatphalen even have a bridge station?

WHSKR display panning over coral and a whale. Ortiz tells Bridger and they tail the cetaceans. They technobabble and Hitchcock gets a reaction shot. They found the sub in about thirty seconds of effort.A cgi sub chugs along. Bridger babbles course instructions and wants the weapons armed.

Lucas comes into the bridge. The doors are open despite always being closed during alerts. He walks right over to Bridger and explains that he's scared. So's Bridger, so Lucas should go back up Ortiz. This is not the first time the kid's seen combat. Why is an obsolete sub so scary?

Scully spots the seaQuest. The whaler too. He fires on the seaQuest and scores a hit which shakes the ship. Now the bridge doors are closed. They're taking on water. A door closes itself to contain the water. Scully turns to run and Bridger sends Crocker over to arrest the whalers. In mid-fight? The ship takes one shot and knocks the propeller off the Russian sub. Lucas was afraid for this?

Scully refuses to answer the phone, so Bridger gets in a sea crab to go over. He tells Lucas to take it eash and Lucas, who looks slightly embarrassed now, tells him the same. This is the part of the episode where Bridger talks to the crazy guy.

Scully's ship. Bridger walks in on him with his candles. Scully thinks Bridger is there to kill him. Bridger hopes not. Scully cocks his head to show off his scars. He complains about how things shook out. Bridger tells Scully what he is doing is wrong. Scully thinks he's a hero and he has to do it. He starts in on a speech about being frightened for the world, the sea, the whales. He wants to make the final sacrifice for the cause.

Bridger tells Scully he needs to come back and go to jail. Max says that's killing him. But that's ok, Bridger lets him have a moment along with his ship. Max goes right for the torpedoes. He opens a tube and the camera looks at him from inside it. Bridger hears the sound of the tube firing. Scully shot himself out it. Given the dialog, that was no surprise. Bridger goes home and stalks up to the bridge.

He shoots the sub and it cracks in half and blows up. Everyone is very sad. Lucas goes down to Bridger, who tells him to get to sleep. Lucas wants to know if Bridger just killed a man right in front of him. No, that was Scully's choice.

Cut to Scully swimming in the ocean, because the bends would never get him.

Cut to Krieg's burger. He puts some mustard on it as the door gets knocked on. Bridger comes in and thanks Krieg for letting Lucas stay on board. Lucas is like a brother to Ben. Bridger gets this priceless look on his face and says he hopes not. Then he smells the cooked meat behind Ben's back. It's a cheeseburger. A real one. Illegal. Bridger takes it out of Krieg's hands and walks off into the hall with it.

In the hall, Nathan goes to the garbage, looks both ways, and takes a big bite. Another. Then he throws it away.

The End.

As a Captain's Dilemma episode, this is just a complete failure. Scully is totally, obviously in the wrong. Even if the whalers are in the wrong too that does not make him right. I just can't believe any person with a head properly screwed on would have problems with that and indeed Bridger is the only guy in the whole episode who seems to. Since we've seen Bridger repeatedly make it clear he's not going to kill people in the name of the environment, or even gravely inconvenience business, this sudden indecision makes no sense. I care about the whales too, but it's in no way clear to me how they are so important that they could justify acts of piracy and murder. Especially not such as continue unabated even after civilians get in the way. I know there are real people who try to ram and disable whaling ships, but even they aren't sinking the damned things. There's no explanation for how the most extreme and crazy part of the environmental movement is suddenly mainstream in the future, especially considering how it wasn't when Schraeder wanted to turn off all the factories all of two episodes ago.

But as a character episode this serves as a good conclusion to Lucas's arc for the season. I know he never really acted like a prisoner on the seaQuest, and in theory he decided to stay some time ago, this is the first time we really get resolution to it. It's also the first time we see him and Bridger both admitting that they care for one another in a father-son sort of way. In the face of Bridger's personal rejection, Lucas tells the guy he greeted with "who the hell are you?" that whatever Bridger saw as wrong with Lucas, Lucas could change. That's a huge distance. On Everwood, this sort of arc was the whole point of the first season.

We don't spend enough time on it, or with Lucas, for it to have the same impact here. Worse, Lucas vanished for the previous episode and the show has focused on other characters for a while now. The writers didn't earn the good conclusion by building to it and developing the character arc consistently over the season (and this is 16 of 23 so it's a bit early anyway) but once they decided to give us some closure and progress on Lucas's relationship to Bridger and the ship, they did a decent job with relatively few scenes and dialog. Bonus points for establishing that Lucas isn't just looking for a father figure. He stays when Bridger leaves. They don't really sell us on it, but he stayed despite Bridger because he feels at home with and apparently cares for others on the crew.

This would have gone so much better with the deleted scene from Nothing But the Truth too. If that were present, I could buy that Lucas was still a bit fragile with the whole battle under the seas business. There he turned to Westphalen, who Bridger kissed this episode. I know it's not really in the genre, but those three could have made an interesting family-esque dynamic. It would possibly have done a lot to ground the show in its goofier moments. Plus it puts the reason the teenaged girls were supposed to watch in the featured position. Except for standing around, being the doe-eyed victim a few times, and flashing dimples, they didn't really write Lucas as a teenaged sex symbol. I know he was probably on Seventeen or Tiger Beat or whatever, but at least so far they haven't really trotted him out in tight clothes and he's only had one spotlight episode that was really about him.